Post: #1

Hi,

I'll be the best man at my buddies wedding early next month. I just started working on the speech that I'll be writing and it's a lot harder than I thought. I was wondering if anyone had any tips for me?

I know that a lot of you on this forum are against marriage but obviously the two of them are getting married regardless. She's also a good catch for my buddy. She's a solid 8, nice and thin, does a lot of yoga, is a nurse who makes good coin, hasn't slept around etc.

So far, this is what I'm focusing on. I'm aiming for 5-6 minutes which, for me, is around 800 words.

1. Introduce myself and thank everyone for coming

2. Comment on how nice the bride and bridesmaids look

3. Make a comment about sad single men all over the world but the single women of the world won't even notice (only mean joke)

4. Tell a couple stories about my buddy that show he is of good character

5. Wish the two of them a happy life together

Anything else?

Post: #2

Tell him to run the fuck out of there.

Post: #3

cmrocks:

This is actually a great subject for a thread.

My suggestion would be to head for your local library, bookstore, or bookdepository.com, and search for books that are compendiums of speeches. You can easily find books like this. I've seen books like this, but I don't have the titles. I'm sure you can Google them easily. They will offer sample speeches for nearly every occasion: funerals, graduation, weddings, promotion, motivation, etc. I think "toastmaster" clubs also offer something similar.

Read through a few of the speeches and get a feel for how the masters do it. That will give you some idea of what works and what doesn't. In general, every speech should have an attention-grabbing opening, a middle part where you make your "argument" or "presentation" and a "peroration" at the end where you wrap it all up.

Post: #4

Pick one unique ("weird") thing about the guy, then free-associate about it for a few days.
I did this and ended up talking about the focused comprehensiveness of my best friend the groom's sports memorabilia and comparing his bride to famous ancient statuary. Yet it wasn't pretentious, partly because I held a crib sheet and was visibly nervous.
In this setting, maximal authenticity works -- wedding band musicians came up to me and said it was the best they'd heard, and distant relations still mention it when they run into me.
Even if they all actually think it was the shittiest speech ever, I and the addressee know it was from the heart.

Post: #5

I was a best man before and really didn't say shit for the speech. Pretty dumb given that I'm a writer and give very good speeches. I really dropped the ball.

The guy was my best friend, though, and marrying a girl who got pregnant just as he was preparing to break up with her. I couldn't find it in myself to falsely wish them well when he seemed to be making a mistake.

They're divorced now, but for some reason I still regret not giving a better effort. I think it's important in these situations to remember that you're doing it for them, not yourself. Don't make judgements - just be there for your friend and give an honest effort to send him off in style.

To us marriage seems like a mistake, but to the two people getting married it's one of the most important days/events of their lives. And they're hardly going to change their mind because you disapprove.

Post: #6

(08-06-2014 11:45 AM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  cmrocks:

This is actually a great subject for a thread.

My suggestion would be to head for your local library, bookstore, or bookdepository.com, and search for books that are compendiums of speeches. You can easily find books like this. I've seen books like this, but I don't have the titles. I'm sure you can Google them easily. They will offer sample speeches for nearly every occasion: funerals, graduation, weddings, promotion, motivation, etc. I think "toastmaster" clubs also offer something similar.

Read through a few of the speeches and get a feel for how the masters do it. That will give you some idea of what works and what doesn't. In general, every speech should have an attention-grabbing opening, a middle part where you make your "argument" or "presentation" and a "peroration" at the end where you wrap it all up.

I've been scouring Google so far for information. There's definitely a lot of good material out there. It's tough to make the speech flow nicely and transition well without sounding like I just grabbed a bunch of material off the internet.

Post: #7

I would suggest checking out some youtube best man speeched.

I prepared this search for you. https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=you...man+speech

Obviously, there is more to a speech than just the content covered. How a person delivers it makes a big difference as well. Showing how much you care, etc vs indifference can have a huge impact on how well the speech comes off.

Practice it a bit.

Good luck!

Post: #8

No, here is how you do it.

1. "RUN!" Drop the mic a la Chris Rock.
2. Deliver actual speech which is full of conventional platitudes. Much like the wedding, anything that happens that day is largely irrelevant.

Post: #9

Create the illusion of romance and something sappy that the women at the wedding will eat up. Basically, give the bitches at the wedding their fantasy so they get wet and want to fuck you (that's what its all about isn't it?) You want to tell an anecdote which kind of embarrasses your buddy (his "pre-martial" irresponsible behavior and antics out with you) and makes you look good. Then transition into how he is so much better after he's found his "perfect match".

Don't go overboard though. Keep it short, don't try to be too funny and just remember that this speech is all about you. Everyone is staring at you, not the wedding couple at this point in the wedding and hoping it just doesn't go too long.

Post: #10

^ Drazen that's tight. I'll have to keep that in mind.

I have a buddy's wedding coming up. I'm not the best man. But you can be sure my ass is getting up and making a speech like you say just for the DHV and reaping benefits the rest of the evening.

Post: #11

My successful formula:

- Around one minute (maximum) of high quality joke cracking (wins over the audience, gets attention, and gives you credibility as a temporary entertainer)
- 30 seconds or another minute of saying nice, sweet things (please the bride and her friends along with the parents/relatives of the bride and groom, ensures that the groom made the right choice for best man, wins over the women in the audience who didn't care for your jokes)
- If you have a great story, you can insert it anywhere, just keep that short and sweet as well
- Make pleasant, classy, and thoughtful toast

I highly recommend not going any longer than 2-3 minutes, as NOBODY at the wedding really wants to listen to you talk in the first place. People really appreciate the short and sweet approach as most of them are just waiting for you to finish so they can get booze, take a piss, or go talk to people they actually care about and don't get to see all that often.

Tips:

- Try to include at least one joke that a good amount of people at the reception will be in on (something related to how the bride and groom met, one of their pets, anything they have done together that a lot of people at the wedding would know about, etc.).
- I got a round of applause during the middle of my speech for making a "callback" to something the priest said during the sermon at the wedding ceremony about everyone one at the wedding is now part of the bride and groom's new family, bla bla bla.... So pay a little bit of attention to anything said during the wedding/rehearsal dinner that a lot of the crowd will remember and use is to your advantage.
- Prepare a couple of index cards with notes. You may not need them, but nobody will call you out if you need to pull them out at any point during the toast.
- If you have the leave the table to go up to a microphone or anything like that, be sure not to forget your drink. Sometimes the speeches will come right at the beginning of the reception, so be prepared and try to get an estimate of when you'll be going on. You should ask the DJ/MC or someone like that as they are the only ones who actually know the schedule.
- Again, I personally advise against gunning for 5-6 minutes and would recommend cutting that in half.

This formula helped me deliver a successful best man speech. I received a lot of props for quality as well as a lot of gratitude for keeping it short (from both the guests and bride and groom).

Post: #12

(08-06-2014 03:27 PM)Art Pimp Wrote:  My successful formula:

- Around one minute (maximum) of high quality joke cracking (wins over the audience, gets attention, and gives you credibility as a temporary entertainer)
- 30 seconds or another minute of saying nice, sweet things (please the bride and her friends along with the parents/relatives of the bride and groom, ensures that the groom made the right choice for best man, wins over the women in the audience who didn't care for your jokes)
- If you have a great story, you can insert it anywhere, just keep that short and sweet as well
- Make pleasant, classy, and thoughtful toast

I highly recommend not going any longer than 2-3 minutes, as NOBODY at the wedding really wants to listen to you talk in the first place. People really appreciate the short and sweet approach as most of them are just waiting for you to finish so they can get booze, take a piss, or go talk to people they actually care about and don't get to see all that often.

Tips:

- Try to include at least one joke that a good amount of people at the reception will be in on (something related to how the bride and groom met, one of their pets, anything they have done together that a lot of people at the wedding would know about, etc.).
- I got a round of applause during the middle of my speech for making a "callback" to something the priest said during the sermon at the wedding ceremony about everyone one at the wedding is now part of the bride and groom's new family, bla bla bla.... So pay a little bit of attention to anything said during the wedding/rehearsal dinner that a lot of the crowd will remember and use is to your advantage.
- Prepare a couple of index cards with notes. You may not need them, but nobody will call you out if you need to pull them out at any point during the toast.
- If you have the leave the table to go up to a microphone or anything like that, be sure not to forget your drink. Sometimes the speeches will come right at the beginning of the reception, so be prepared and try to get an estimate of when you'll be going on. You should ask the DJ/MC or someone like that as they are the only ones who actually know the schedule.
- Again, I personally advise against gunning for 5-6 minutes and would recommend cutting that in half.

This formula helped me deliver a successful best man speech. I received a lot of props for quality as well as a lot of gratitude for keeping it short (from both the guests and bride and groom).

Thanks!

I'm at 600 words right now which should be around 3 or 4 minutes.

Basically, it goes like this so far:

1. Intro with a small joke about getting this over with so I can start enjoying myself
2. Bride looks beautiful blah blah
3. Thank you everyone for your hard work (directed at parents and bridesmaids)
4. Story about how I met buddy when we were both awkward teenagers and a joke about how before he met his wife, I didn't know if he would ever grow out his middle-school fear of speaking to women (he's a shy and quiet guy)
5. Joke about how when the two of them first met, buddy literally fell off the face of the planet and that's how we all knew it was serious
6. Serious note about how buddy has always been there for me and how he will do the same for his new wife. Transition into closing.
7. Close with some words on the sanctity of marriage, how special it is blah blah and a toast to happy life full of happy memories blah blah.

Post: #13

My rules for best man speeches, after having observed hundreds of terrible ones:

1. Don't try to be funny, witty, or sarcastic, unless you have experience in stand-up comedy. On the day of the wedding you'll be nervous, drunk, horny, emotional, or a combo of the four. 95% of jokes bomb because of this. If you've never made a crowd of people laugh before, this isn't the time to try.

2. Thank and compliment the parents and grandparents; seeing their children get married is a huge honor for them, and the whole point of a wedding is to make the parents feel good. The bride has enough attention and complimenting her looks is corny and lame. The Maid of Honor will already be doing this anyway.

3. Briefly thank the staff (band, wedding planner, officiant, photographer, chef, waiters, etc.) It shows humility and they'll treat you well for the rest of the day, simply because no one else ever thanks these people.

4. Talk about why the couple is great together, and be genuine. People seem to enjoy this because chances are they only know the bride and groom separately, and not as a couple. You are in a unique position to speak about them as a couple.

5. Don't tell stories from when your friend was a bachelor. No matter how great/fun/crazy your memories are with him, people will have a hard time relating, and they'll tune you out.

6. Finish with a toast and genuine well wishes: "you're a great friend, Joe, and I know you and Jane will be a great couple that makes a truly positive impact on the world. I'd like to raise a toast, and to wish you both a happy, healthy life together. Cheers!"

7. Remember that no one is really listening anyway. People came for the free food, booze, and chance to bang a bridesmaid. The only thing in the way of them and their goals is you and your speech.

Overall: the perfect wedding toast is one where a person talks for 3-5 minutes and doesn't say anything stupid. This is harder than it sounds, so the best strategy is to just keep it simple, classy and traditional.

Post: #14

Haha, I'm writing a best man speech right now! Wedding's on Friday.

Basically it starts with a thank you everyone, it continues with a humourous anecdote or two, then you brownnose the bride, then you wish good luck.

'This speech only took half a bottle of whisky to write. In that sense it's quite fuel efficient.' A couple of one liners, make them suit your style. But again, if you can't do comedy, then don't. Or get help.

Post: #15

Art Pimp's formula is awesome. I found some help online with mine. Started with a simple outline and I was also thanked for quality and short length all night.

Intro - tell folks who you are, insert a tasteful joke.

Tribute - Use this portion to talk about the Groom. Basically all the good things you know about the Groom. May or may not be public knowledge, but everything that shows the groom in a good light. Not that one time you guys went to Tijuana and saw a donkey show. It's the Maid of Honor's job to talk about the Bride but if you actually know the bride and want to include something in this section about her do it briefly. For example, if you were there, how they met.

Toast - I totally copy pasta'd some literary genius' work about love. Make sure you give credit to who you stole from via "in the words of" or "this guy once said" and try to wrap up your toast by integrating those words.

I think I ran about 3 or 4 minutes. People even referred back to my intro joke. I told them I was the wedding singer and would be accepting requests for songs and tips.

Post: #16

Don't say anything about how pretty the bride looks...see her hamster spin.

Can someone put a hamster in a wedding dress?

Post: #17

This advice video is not bad:






Personally for me, I learn best when I see an example of something. You can find good examples of wedding speeches at:


Words for Every Occasion: Toasts and Speeches

http://www.amazon.com/Words-All-Occasion...+occasions

Post: #18

(08-06-2014 05:16 PM)BlurredSevens Wrote:  My rules for best man speeches, after having observed hundreds of terrible ones:

1. Don't try to be funny, witty, or sarcastic, unless you have experience in stand-up comedy. On the day of the wedding you'll be nervous, drunk, horny, emotional, or a combo of the four. 95% of jokes bomb because of this. If you've never made a crowd of people laugh before, this isn't the time to try.

2. Thank and compliment the parents and grandparents; seeing their children get married is a huge honor for them, and the whole point of a wedding is to make the parents feel good. The bride has enough attention and complimenting her looks is corny and lame. The Maid of Honor will already be doing this anyway.

3. Briefly thank the staff (band, wedding planner, officiant, photographer, chef, waiters, etc.) It shows humility and they'll treat you well for the rest of the day, simply because no one else ever thanks these people.

4. Talk about why the couple is great together, and be genuine. People seem to enjoy this because chances are they only know the bride and groom separately, and not as a couple. You are in a unique position to speak about them as a couple.

5. Don't tell stories from when your friend was a bachelor. No matter how great/fun/crazy your memories are with him, people will have a hard time relating, and they'll tune you out.

6. Finish with a toast and genuine well wishes: "you're a great friend, Joe, and I know you and Jane will be a great couple that makes a truly positive impact on the world. I'd like to raise a toast, and to wish you both a happy, healthy life together. Cheers!"

7. Remember that no one is really listening anyway. People came for the free food, booze, and chance to bang a bridesmaid. The only thing in the way of them and their goals is you and your speech.

Overall: the perfect wedding toast is one where a person talks for 3-5 minutes and doesn't say anything stupid. This is harder than it sounds, so the best strategy is to just keep it simple, classy and traditional.

Thanks! Great advice. I'll tone down the attempts at humor.

Post: #19

I was the best man at my brothers wedding. I wrote a speech and it was awful and cheesy so I threw it out and just spoke without a paper. I think the only joke I told was a dick joke and it went over well with the younger crowd and the older crowd didn't understand it.

I think it went pretty well. The bridesmaid or whatever had a really shitty speech so it took a lot of pressure off of me.

I would just freestyle the speech and go second.

Never open for anyone!

Post: #20

After reading this (pretty mild) thread, I truly hope that I am never the best man at any wedding, nor that I have a best man if I ever get married.

Why can't people simply silently think "I wish them luck", smile and be done with it? It feels like a circus to me.