Post: #1

Pretty much everyone complains in one form or another. Some are just more subtle than others.

I catch myself complaining from time to time and lately I've been making a conscious effort to shut up when I feel the urge to bitch about something.

I'd like to rid myself of the habit of complaining for good. I don't think that's too ambitious.

It's early to tell but it seems that not complaining leads me to accept things as they are rather than write them off as 'fucked'.

I also don't feel like an attention whoring putz for wining about something, no matter how sophisticated the veneer of that wining may have been.

Finally, I've noticed that a lot of people complain non-verbally. They sigh, they heave, they pout, they put on consternated airs.

Has anybody successfully eradicated this habit?

And further at what point does calling a spade a spade (e.g. "American girls suck.") become complaining?

Discuss.

Post: #2

I was a HUGE complainer as a kid. It it was raining, bitched about that, if I had to wash the dishes, complained about that, if I received $10 instead of $20 for my birthday, complained about that. A combination of a). People getting sick of me, and b.) Accepting that there are things I'm bitching about I have no control over broke me out of it. I still do complain about things (government, women, etc) but take the approach to find solutions instead of just whining.

Post: #3

If you are pained by an external thing it is not the thing that disturbs you but your judgement of it. It is in your power to wipe out this judgement. Should anything in your disposition give you pain, who hinders you from correcting it? If you are pained because you are not doing something which seems to you to be right, why not act rather than complain? Does some insuperable obstacle prevent you? Do not be pained when the cause does not depend on you. It is not worth while to live? Than take your departure contentedly.

Take away thy opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint, "I have been harmed." Take away the complaint, "I have been harmed," and the harm is taken away.

Post: #4

I think it depends on the context and the audience. Its healthy to have people to bitch and complain to. Intellectually honest and self confident friends are good for complaining about shit. In the workplace with people of various sensibilities, not so much. To your family, maybe. A paid therapist is good for this if you cant keep your mouth shut.

Post: #5

It becomes complaining when one doesn't do anything about it.

If "American girls suck" and one isn't doing anything like going elsewhere or making them not suck......then one is complaining.

Post: #6

(08-02-2014 11:47 AM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  It becomes complaining when one doesn't do anything about it.

If "American girls suck" and one isn't doing anything like going elsewhere or making them not suck......then one is complaining.

All about breaking the psychological habit. Complaining is largely related to inaction and the associated feelings of frustration. Take action and control the things you can. When you feel to need to complain, ask yourself "what can I do to take action here?" and do it.

Post: #7

I am noticing a lot of guys bitching here lately.
I am trying not to get affected by it but those bitterness bothers me.

I understand people need to vent but this forum is not a toilet.
Im afraid of calling out someone about their hateful comment because i might get banned though.

Post: #8

Often times we are complaining about things that are completely out of our control. Once you realize that and accept it, you begin to complain less.

I used to complain all the time about how progressives are reigning in socialism and barbarism but I've come to realize it is out of my control. I can only control the things in my life.

Post: #9

(08-02-2014 02:45 PM)objectivist tree Wrote:  Often times we are complaining about things that are completely out of our control. Once you realize that and accept it, you begin to complain less.

I used to complain all the time about how progressives are reigning in socialism and barbarism but I've come to realize it is out of my control. I can only control the things in my life.

Spoken like a true Stoic.

Post: #10

Never explain. Never complain.

- Benjamin Disraeli

Post: #11

I think modern American English uses "complaining" for two very different things.

One meaning is to raise an issue, which is a requirement of being assertive.

One meaning is to "vent" about something to someone who someone knows can't do anything about the matter.

My initial thought is that the difference between the two is that "complaining" becomes negative when it's not meant to achieve any positive result.

Post: #12

Complaining comes from a position of weakness. Criticizing a situation is merely stating facts/observation.

A beta chode saying dating is so difficult today and doesnt get laid, doesnt go out or do anything about it is complaining/bitching.

An alpha might also agree that dating is difficult, but he puts in time and effort to get laid and is happy about his situation and comes out on top. He might say that yeah sexual marketplace sucks, but it has a totally different ring. Its like a millionaire saying making money is difficult vs s basement dweller saying the same thing.

WHen I realize that complaining is basically weakness and frustration verbalized, its very easy for me to eradicate it. Im a very proud individual and I despise weakness in all forms, to the point of psychopathy sometimes. I can not stand being weak or being pitied, so I just dont allow myself to complain.

Meditation helps too, and martial arts certainly hardens both the mind and body against weaknesses. I learned to actually laugh my pain away when I took a direct punch or got a shoulder dislocated. Earned me a lot of respect and fear from my training partners.

Once you get rid or minimize this bad habit though, a big aspect of your life change: you cant stand being around losers and downers. Depending on your demographics this can mean you will get very lonely sometimes. All the better

Post: #13

Good things I've heard about complaining:

1) Don't complain to someone who can't do anything about it.

2) in counseling, there's a phrase called "help-rejecting complaining"; meaning
someone who bitches about something then refuses to listen to ways to change it.

e.g.

Complainer: My Mother-in-law comes in the house uninvited.
Therapist: Change the locks on your house.
Complainer: That would be expensive.

Post: #14

Laughing at stuff you find disagreeable is always a more enjoyable option than complaining. That said, complaining really becomes intolerable when someone whines about a problem (real or perceived) while expecting others to fix it. I'm fine with people venting their grievances for the most part, or better yet making serious suggestions on how to improve an issue...it's the mentality of those who think the world revolves around them and their every whim that I can't stand.

Post: #15

I think a lot of guys (myself included) make an exception to complaining when it comes to getting pussy. Girls complain. Yet we put up with it. I'm not talking about those first few dates where it's all smiles and positivity. So, logically speaking, we SHOULD break off with them as soon as the complaining starts, but many don't because that means losing access to the pussy.

So I think this theory should be re-formulated into "Don't complain or tolerate complaining.....unless you're getting some".

Post: #16

Frame it as "constructive criticism." And defend it as such.
Always try to offer a solution. And if not, then make a point of "If you didn't do this, then you wouldn't have that problem."
This also works where you are the target. I don't mind critiques, and indeed welcome them, but if they are not constructive, they are of no use.

Post: #17

(08-03-2014 09:58 PM)Yeti Wrote:  Never explain. Never complain.

- Benjamin Disraeli

Ha. Thanks for bringing up this great quote. From the first time I heard it years ago I thought it was the most perfect quote. Don't come anywhere close to living up to it, but it is a personal ideal.