Post: #1

http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/and-jus...1607362828

Quote:My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 2 of those years. We just bought a house 5 months ago. No kids yet. Our lives have been crazy busy though. We spent all spring renovating our new house. At my job I was given nearly double my usual workload after some of my colleagues were laid off. I gained some weight in the winter and have been busting my ass at the gym to get rid of it.

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 "attempts" on his part.

This is a side of him I have never seen before - bitter, immature, full of hatred. In person, he'd been acting normal the whole time, maybe a little standoff-ish in the last week. Completely out of left field. Our sex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn't that allowed? We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It's not like our sex life was going to be this way FOREVER, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.

I immediately tried phoning him 3-4 times before getting on the plane - no answer. When I landed in my destination city, I tried calling 2 more times - no answer. I texted him saying we needed to talk, and he needed to call me at his earliest convenience. No response. He's never intentionally ignored my communications before. I pretty much stayed inside my hotel all evening waiting by the phone, then cried myself to sleep.

It's now morning and he still hasn't contacted me. I am supposed to be out visiting clients for the next 9 days on behalf of my company, and I am an emotional wreck. Why is he putting me through this? What the hell am I supposed to do?

http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/co..._immature/

Post: #2

I don't know if this is pouty or a well-thought out punishment. I'd love to see how it turns out.

Post: #3

Quote:This is a side of him I have never seen before - bitter, immature, full of hatred.

One of the vilest cases of solipsism I have ever seen. The immortal words of Maggie McNeill definitely apply here:

A whore in the bedroom Wrote:One night at UNO I was sitting around talking with several other girls, and when one said something about putting out for her boyfriend another replied haughtily, “I would never give a man sex unless I wanted it, too.”

Even back in those pre-professional days I considered that sort of attitude completely asinine, so I asked her, “Do you have a dog?” (knowing full well she did).

“What?” she asked, annoyed at my apparent change of subject.

“It’s a straightforward question,” I replied; “Do you, or do you not, have a dog?”

“You know I do!” she snapped.

“And you walk it every night?”

“Of course!”

“What if you don’t want to?”

“I still have to anyway, or she’ll go on the carpet during the night!”

“What if it’s raining?”

“Then my dad takes her for me!” The dumb bunny had no idea where I was going, but the smiles told me the other girls did.

“In other words, you care more about a dog than you do about a man.”

“How do you get that?”

“When one has a living creature under one’s care, it is one’s responsibility to take care of that creature’s needs, or else to arrange for someone else to do so. And if you shirk that responsibility, you only have yourself to blame for the inevitable and foreseeable consequences.”

Unfortunately, this girl’s attitude is not at all unusual nowadays; women used to understand that men had sexual needs which it was a wife’s responsibility to provide for.

Post: #4

He's absolutely right to raise this as an issue, but letting her twist in the wind is immature. It's pouty in my opinion. At least she's willing to talk about this with him. How many American women would do even that? Most of the time it's be grateful for whatever breadcrumbs you get.

Post: #5

His tone actually sounds red pill. He sure as heck got the hamster spinning.

Post: #6

(07-18-2014 04:02 PM)DetlefMourning Wrote:  He's absolutely right to raise this as an issue, but letting her twist in the wind is immature. It's pouty in my opinion. At least she's willing to talk about this with him. How many American women would do even that? Most of the time it's be grateful for whatever breadcrumbs you get.

You're assuming she will actually talk about it. If he answered her first response, I bet you a pretty penny her reaction wouldn't be a constructive conversation about her behavior. It would quickly turn into an attack on him. Letting her stew for a while will break down her victimization ("Why is he doing this to me?!?!?") and will make it easier to actually have a conversation.

Post: #7

The spreadsheet is kinda cool (the cold hard facts do not lie), but I do feel bad for the guy... he is suffering from chronic beta disorder.

And judging by the bitches tone,I bet she is one of those wannabe 'high power' corporate types, pathetic.

Quote:Why is he putting me through this? What the hell am I supposed to do?

He's putting you through this because you are a useless woman who does not know how to satisfy her man. It's not difficult darling, just make sure his ego, stomach and dick are well fed. It's not rocket science.

Post: #8

This lady has gotten a little too comfortable, sounds like she's rationalizing her actions too

Basically they are still newlyweds, so he has a gang of sexless nights to look forward to...geesh

>She has put on weight
>Has built-in BS excuses
>"Rationing out the sex"

If he was smart, he would have an escape plan ready

Post: #9

I'm glad he held radio silence after sending her the spreadsheet. Got her thinking about it enough to have to post it on reddit. On the other hand, he's just two years into the marriage and is getting laid 3 out of 27 times in a month.

Post: #10

Comes off a bit passive aggressive at first

However, given he didn't tragically die, the dread game he's stringing along with it is pretty money. If anything, she's gonna return home from the trip and immediately suck every last drop of patriarch juice out of his privelige stick.

Not game recognized material, but I give it a 6/10

Post: #11

Oof. Glad they don't have kids. Clearly heading for divorce, as they seem to be mismatched sexually and have poor communication. Best to cut your losses now and move on. Three times in ~50 days is not "we're busy adults" it's "red alert, major malfunction, ship is sinking"

I agree with Cobra, not sure this is beta. We don't know if he's tried normal/mature communication and problem resolution strategy unsuccessfully and had to escalate to spinning up the hamster wheel. My guess is he did what he needed to do to finally get her attention and take him seriously.

Post: #12

Lame. It's the modern day equivalent of handing a girl a note.

Communication isn't so much what you say, but how you say it. Speaking from the chest, your voice booming, watching a woman melt in your presence. That's communicating.

You don't achieve any of that with this spreadshit B.S. It's good that he spoke up, which is more than some guys would do, but he missed out on the opportunity of saying this shit to her face. Saying inflammatory shit to a woman's face is one of life's greatest pleasures, and by not doing so he's buying into the fear that if he says anything then she'll walk out on him. It's always better to speak your mind to a woman, no matter how offensive. That's what gives them tingles. The only, and I mean ONLY valid point of common rhetoric of what women say they want, is honesty. Chances are, he stopped giving her tingles a long time ago, so he has just as much part in this, if not more, than she does.

This is pretty passive aggressive.

Post: #13

Yeah......sounds like she plays a pretty good victim.

Handsome Creepy Eel delivered a really great quote that I've experienced and I know many other married men have experienced as well.

Initially I thought it to be wrong to "inconvenience" the wife. But where does that leave me?

I just ended up having to be more aggressive. One time when I was ready to get some she was watching TV. So i made it known that it was time. She told me "let me finish the show first".



So I took the remote turned off the tv. Got her ass out of the recliner and took her upstairs. Battle was won. But the war was not over.

Most of that stuff on the list that her husband said she's doing is just plain neglect on her part. If she's not willing to make compromises in this "hectic relationship" some hard decisions have to be made.

Post: #14

Who the fuck posts their dirty laundry to Deadspin? I'd call this marriage a dead man walking. Now how are they going to have a conversation about it when she's just going to go back and vent on Deadspin?

I have to tell you, women HATE being presented with evidence. Say "we never have sex" and she'll go after the "never". Quantify and she's "why do you have to be that way?"

Quote:Our sex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn't that allowed?

No.

“In other words, you care more about a dog than you do about a man.”

Bless Maggie McNeil.

Post: #15

(07-18-2014 04:22 PM)RockHard Wrote:  Who the fuck posts their dirty laundry to Deadspin? I'd call this marriage a dead man walking.

it was initially posted on reddit before deadspin picked up on it

Post: #16

I don't know if his spread sheet is pathetic or an ironic way of communicating with his cubicle jockey wife.

Looks like she puts out about twice a month. I'll bet if he stopped trying there would be no sex at all.
Women seem to lose all interest in sex once they get the golden ticket to the chocolate factory.

Post: #17

My first thought upon reading the headline was "He sent his fucking wife a spreadsheet to complain? No wonder she won't fuck him."

Although I do think his lack of communication after the email is the right move, I doubt he understands why it is the right move. If he could get her hamster spinning that easily, he should never have let the relationship deteriorate to the level it is at. He should have her daydreaming at work about blowing him when she gets home.

Post: #18

Shit, how'd this private spreadsheet about my LTR get leaked?

Post: #19

(07-18-2014 04:58 PM)Dagonet Wrote:  Shit, how'd this private spreadsheet about my LTR get leaked?

That whole LTR advice spiel on the podcast was just a shtick? I guess that's why my girlfriend has started attending yoga four nights a week and visits her mom every weekend.

Post: #20

(07-18-2014 04:22 PM)RockHard Wrote:  Who the fuck posts their dirty laundry to Deadspin?

At a guess, a feminist who made the whole story up, complete with spreadsheet, to stealthily 'educate' women that 'all men are rapists, expecting sex', to thereby trigger the Emotional Sensibility of millenial women - who are already awkward and uncomfortable with interpersonal connection - and thereby end up with a wailing wall of man hatred and you-go-girl empowerment.

Post: #21

(07-18-2014 04:10 PM)007 Wrote:  The spreadsheet is kinda cool (the cold hard facts do not lie), but I do feel bad for the guy... he is suffering from chronic beta disorder.

And judging by the bitches tone,I bet she is one of those wannabe 'high power' corporate types, pathetic.

Quote:Why is he putting me through this? What the hell am I supposed to do?

He's putting you through this because you are a useless woman who does not know how to satisfy her man. It's not difficult darling, just make sure his ego, stomach and dick are well fed. It's not rocket science.

A female friend told me that that men want three things from a woman to make them happy:

• Feed Me
• Fuck Me
• Shut The Fuck Up!
  

Post: #22

I hope that guy is plowing other women for days while she is out of town.

Post: #23

My guess is the spreadsheet is a way to force her to face up to the lie that she'd be willing to have sex with him "if only" <insert-BS-excuse>. Putting it down on paper (or a spreadsheet in this case) forces her to acknowledge that she's doing nothing but moving the goal posts each time he initiates and she turns him down.

Someone should send this list to the next idiot writer who tells husbands that their wives would be having more sex with them "if only" they would do the dishes more often.

Post: #24

If he confronted her face to face she would have been defensive and would try to turn it around on him. This allows him to lay out the facts and by ignoring her it gives her time to stew.

Post: #25

He's going 2+ weeks without sex on average.
Going 2+ days without sex is completely unacceptable, guy is beta for waiting this out