Post: #26

(03-17-2014 09:12 PM)hwuzhere Wrote:  I was about to start a thread about this myself, but I have a different cause. I never really felt love towards any woman(well any woman recently), and I've been fucking up with my classes as of late. It seems all my hardwork is going down the drain and it's causing me problems elsewhere as well. I have always felt hollow during sex but I enjoyed it and the problem is I enjoyed my last time the other day much less than I normally do. I also find any real pleasure seeking activity being less potent, and have even picked up masturbating again constantly. Suicidal thoughts have even popped into my head after a confrontation with people close to me due to my bad progress in terms of work. Is there any cure to the downward spiral that I'm trying to fix that will also allow me to focus on my work as well? I'm unable to concentrate and I find myself lost in thought, and fearing that I may break down mentally and/or physically at this rate.
TL;DR: I need to get my shit together so I can focus more on my work and get out of a mental downward spiral.
If anyone seeing this can respond ASAP it would be much appreciated.

I think I've been there. What's her name?

Post: #27

(03-18-2014 09:37 AM)CarCrashKid Wrote:  

(03-17-2014 09:12 PM)hwuzhere Wrote:  I was about to start a thread about this myself, but I have a different cause. I never really felt love towards any woman(well any woman recently), and I've been fucking up with my classes as of late. It seems all my hardwork is going down the drain and it's causing me problems elsewhere as well. I have always felt hollow during sex but I enjoyed it and the problem is I enjoyed my last time the other day much less than I normally do. I also find any real pleasure seeking activity being less potent, and have even picked up masturbating again constantly. Suicidal thoughts have even popped into my head after a confrontation with people close to me due to my bad progress in terms of work. Is there any cure to the downward spiral that I'm trying to fix that will also allow me to focus on my work as well? I'm unable to concentrate and I find myself lost in thought, and fearing that I may break down mentally and/or physically at this rate.
TL;DR: I need to get my shit together so I can focus more on my work and get out of a mental downward spiral.
If anyone seeing this can respond ASAP it would be much appreciated.

I think I've been there. What's her name?

I wish it was a her, but by people close to me I mean my family(brothers, mother, and father).

Post: #28

Suicide is not the answer. Believe me. It's worthless to even consider though I have at one point in my life.

Maybe you just need a break or a holiday? Could be stress or not enough of something in the body?
I asked if it was a her because of the dopamine that is associated with "Love". I was in love with a girl and I felt on top of the world, after she broke up with me, I was crushed. It's not the fact that she broke up with me in reality, it's that I wasn't getting my dopamine fix.
It's an addiction that has the same high as heroine, I've heard.

I see it in other men who are left. They tell Work,school and life just to go and fuck off.
Any drugs taken recently?

Post: #29

(03-18-2014 07:09 PM)CarCrashKid Wrote:  Suicide is not the answer. Believe me. It's worthless to even consider though I have at one point in my life.

Maybe you just need a break or a holiday? Could be stress or not enough of something in the body?
I asked if it was a her because of the dopamine that is associated with "Love". I was in love with a girl and I felt on top of the world, after she broke up with me, I was crushed. It's not the fact that she broke up with me in reality, it's that I wasn't getting my dopamine fix.
It's an addiction that has the same high as heroine, I've heard.

I see it in other men who are left. They tell Work,school and life just to go and fuck off.
Any drugs taken recently?

If you count smoking hookah, yes. The reason I can't take a break is because I have a lot of work piled up. Up to my neck deep in shit for the first time in relation to my classes. Just getting nagged at and yelled at are getting to my head.

Post: #30

(03-18-2014 07:35 PM)hwuzhere Wrote:  If you count smoking hookah, yes. The reason I can't take a break is because I have a lot of work piled up. Up to my neck deep in shit for the first time in relation to my classes. Just getting nagged at and yelled at are getting to my head.

Well I don't think I'd count hookah as a problem, you know the usual stuff the forum comes out with. The reason they say it again and again is because it worked for them, maybe try adding some supplements as in Vitamins into your diet etc etc.

But really, the only solution is to knuckle down with your classes and throw your shoulder to the wheel. I'm in the same spot with you in regards college, I've failed my exams and my family is constantly at me about it.Constantly pushing me to go and study while I just feel tired from working too much. With me, I have about 4 hours of lectures a week spread over three days (Mon-Wed), the other 4 days I'm working. I might even get called in on the Wednesday to work till 1 in the morning.

My response is thus:
Cut down on the hours I can work, re-arranging it to Thursday to Saturday. On Sunday, I do nothing but rest.
Mon-Wed, I hope to go to College, early nights, study, eat well and lift.
Going out and gaming can wait, nailing broads can wait. Summer is coming and we'll have months to focus on that, but until then we gotta focus on the basics. Maybe plan some trips abroad as well

Post: #31

All pleasures become boring with time

Post: #32

(03-18-2014 07:35 PM)hwuzhere Wrote:  

(03-18-2014 07:09 PM)CarCrashKid Wrote:  Suicide is not the answer. Believe me. It's worthless to even consider though I have at one point in my life.

Maybe you just need a break or a holiday? Could be stress or not enough of something in the body?
I asked if it was a her because of the dopamine that is associated with "Love". I was in love with a girl and I felt on top of the world, after she broke up with me, I was crushed. It's not the fact that she broke up with me in reality, it's that I wasn't getting my dopamine fix.
It's an addiction that has the same high as heroine, I've heard.

I see it in other men who are left. They tell Work,school and life just to go and fuck off.
Any drugs taken recently?

If you count smoking hookah, yes. The reason I can't take a break is because I have a lot of work piled up. Up to my neck deep in shit for the first time in relation to my classes. Just getting nagged at and yelled at are getting to my head.

as someone who has been spoken to like I'm the protagonist from sling blade by my dad, I can also assure you that it's far less bleak than you believe it is right now. I haven't found a solution to my fathers disparaging language toward me yet. whether I accomplish or not, it continues, so how do I handle it? its an ugly world out there and I hate to be the one to tell this to someone else, but I've only improved my resiliency by being less emotionally impacted and concerned over my parents opinions. if they can't be pleased, are unwilling to understand or chronically callous then you'll have to do this. the ups and downs will be there. they will be rough, but fake the funk brother. feign attentiveness to their disapproval and aloof requests. don't let any person emotional drain you when that small change could actually make everything manageable without it

army resiliency teaches us that:
if you don't like how you feel about something, first try to change how you're perceiving it.
look at everything as a challenge to be better. even if the odds are stacked unfavorably, believe in yourself enough to see if you can accomplish it. if you're not sure then give yourself the chance to try

life is always better than death and the problems we face here may seem insurmountable at the time. most suicides don't realize after the fact that most of life's worst occasions, even the ones truly terrible, are temporary and fleeting. they can have a resounding impact on us that lasts far afterward in some cases, but painful times are never forever unless it's a physical injury unable to heal. keep pushing brother

Post: #33

Ya I'm use to shit from other people but when it's flesh and blood it hits home and hits deep. I just need to survive 2 more months and I'm home free for a while.

Post: #34

I thought you would say that. Here's some things to hopefully alleviate that "damn, et tu brutus?" feeling. For now, tell yourself they mean well(they probably do), but really blow at being constructive at helping you accomplish needed goals. Spend all the time you can away from the situation and plan small excursions away from the parental at regular intervals were you do something that acts as a positive emotion oasis. If small talk with strangers brightens your day for example, make sure you get a 15 min. conversation in after any bad verbal lashing. if not then do it the next day. Provide a small pocket of joy or inspiration to breathe yourself. it helps immensely for myself to treat tough times like a swim under ice; all I need to do is stay aware enough to maintain the necessities and get enough breathing room occasionally from a few pockets of relief.

Post: #35

I have a similar problem - ONS haven't really worked out cause I just couldn't get it going. I feel a strong desire when approaching, but my killer mind-set dies when trying to get into her pants. It just doesn't feel right.., I don't even know the girl but still she'll let me do anything to her, it's a bonerkill for me. When I think about the same women at a distance I easily get hard but once they're there, it doesn't work. I think that the issue both you and I share is that we haven't completely accepted the true nature of women, we're still caught up in our naive thoughts.

Post: #36

^ Bilboswaggins - you may want to check the "No Porn" thread. This is not a knock at all. I didn't take that topic seriously, but after reading the posts in the thread finally took it upon myself to invest 15 minutes in the "your brain on porn" website as recommended by several members of this forum. I was shocked what I learned. My key take-away is that porn can be like cigarettes, not bad if you have one here or there...start smoking as a habit and it has an effect on your chemistry (i.e. it can rewire your chemistry).

[I hope that you will check that thread in the Lifestyle forum before thinking about how I probably have it all wrong...it is a solid read and worth a few minutes]

Post: #37

(03-25-2014 01:46 AM)anonymous123 Wrote:  ^ Bilboswaggins - you may want to check the "No Porn" thread. This is not a knock at all. I didn't take that topic seriously, but after reading the posts in the thread finally took it upon myself to invest 15 minutes in the "your brain on porn" website as recommended by several members of this forum. I was shocked what I learned. My key take-away is that porn can be like cigarettes, not bad if you have one here or there...start smoking as a habit and it has an effect on your chemistry (i.e. it can rewire your chemistry).

[I hope that you will check that thread in the Lifestyle forum before thinking about how I probably have it all wrong...it is a solid read and worth a few minutes]

I first heard about the no porn movement half a year ago, went for it and did it for 2 months. I got more aggressive and direct in every aspect of life, and it helped me lose all anxiety in my approaches. There's no denying that porn and masturbation is bad for your mental health. Right now I masturbate probably once every two weeks but I don't look at porn. Diet and workout regimen is totally in check, I supplement with zinc and other stuff. This shit really bugs me, as I'm still very young and could potentially fornicate with a wide array of women. I never had this problem with my ex and I can still get into the mood by just thinking about her. At the time of the relationship I regularly masturbated but going for several rounds wasn't a problem.

All of this has had a devastating effect on my internal game and every time an opportunity to go balls deep presents itself I get anxious and start questioning my ability... its beginning to take a shape of a reoccuring cycle where failures of the past generate failures of the present.

Thanks for the suggestion, I hope you're right, that last portion of masturbation could be the culprit behind all of this, although I'm more inclined to think that it has more to do with my psyche.

Post: #38

Yup I hate it too. I'm actually starting to see those effects. I quit for a 4 months and never did I ever have the kind of success I had with approaching. The only problem being I finished faster during sex, and the massive productivity problems because all I thought about was game and sex.

Post: #39

(03-18-2014 03:22 AM)loki Wrote:  Hey guys

thanks for all the replies, you have all given me much to think over and assist me with my self assessment over the next few weeks.

For the record, my work life is better than ever ( concentrating on making bank), my diet is really good ( even dropped a few kg since Christmas) and I have more hobbies then you can poke a stick at so its not that.

Women are hitting on me much more now as well and are far my receptive to me but I think I need to raise my standards because bringing home 6's and 7's just aint doing it for me. I want 8's and 9's dammit!

I was pretty good about the no spank no porn rule for a while but have been a bit slack the last month or two so that would not be helping. The funny is though, after I have some lizard over and bang her out, even though I don't cum, I will still jerk off after she is left to release the tension so its not like I am not working down there.

I think my issue stems from a few things, correctly identified in a few posts in this thread so I shall look into ways of addressing them, and measuring the results over the next few weeks.

Thanks a bunch, you guys are great!

Sounds like you have "Death Grip Syndrome." This is caused by masturbating to much. Over time your grip becomes tighter and tighter to the point that vagina cannot hold your cock like you can. Hence the "empty" feeling.

Take your masturbation session down to once at night and once in the morning with ZERO porn. If you know you are getting laid do not masturbate the night or morning of. This will give you a HUGE load and allow you to cum. It will also help you come when you get a blowjob.

Post: #40

Hwuzhere text me. Come drink with me this weekend and we can shoot the shit about everything if your mind feels fried.