Post: #1

By now a fair chunk of you probably read Christian McQueen's blog, or listen to his podcast, but if you haven't, do yourself a favor - listen to a few episodes, and read some of his posts. Hell, skim through his posts here on RVF, and learn a few things.

That said, I want give props to his recent blog post, "The Power of Who You Know"

http://blockedurl.com/2014/02/06/the-pow...-you-know/

Summary: A young man aboard a plane to Miami starts a conversation with an older gentleman seated next to him. Some time later, when they're both back in the town where they reside, the young man meets the older man for lunch.

Older man is a State Supreme Court Justice, who introduces the young man to the governor, and later helps him with college, scholarships, and rubbing shoulders with very powerful people.

Quote:Through the older man, he met and built relationships with high ranking government officials, government 3 letter agency agents, owners of professional sports teams and even the president of the United States. The world was literally opened up to him because of one man.

...

The people in your circle can literally make or break you. You never know until you ask and you never know until you show yourself friendly.

Open your mouth today. You might just change your life.

The young man in question was Christian McQueen.

...

In some ways, I can relate to this story. One guy I worked for became my mentor - taught me to cut the bullshit out of my life, the ins and outs of making real money, introducing me to the executives of large corporations, and the political powerhouses of my own community. He turned me into a sharp dresser, a cunning salesman, and pulled me out of a very bad position I'd dug myself into.

Because of the man, I've been invited to many fundraisers, exclusive black tie events, received advanced instruction in business opportunities, and the occasional purely fun time, such as watching the Super Bowl at the very posh mansion of a former NFL star (and many of his colleagues).

"It's not what you know, it's who you know" may be one of the most over-used phrases I've ever heard, but it contains a pertinent kernel of truth - all the knowledge in the world doesn't mean shit if you don't know people.

Post: #2

Gotta agree here. This is solid advice. Never assume someone is boring or out of touch just because they're older. Without my mentor, I'd probably have been in prison or dead and never have gotten a university degree.

Post: #3

Wow, that's a really good post about social capital. I certainly try and surround myself with like minded men, but I haven't really sought out those who have already made it to guide me. I mean I have friends in the club/pr business who improve my nights out, guest list and such like, but aside from adding to the quality of life I can't think of any friends who really open doors for me. If anything I'd say I spend more time raising friends up than the other way around.

I'd be interested in reading mcqueen's thoughts on the other side of the affects your social circle has on you, the negative affect people can have on your life and how to deal with it. I'm pretty cold when it comes to girls, but cutting off a long term friend in the interests of self improvement is beyond me. Losing friends you need losing is a weakness of mine that's just occurred to me.

Post: #4

As usual, McQueen nails it. I talk to everyone I meet especially on airplanes (they are stuck with me )

But let me throw out a minor adjustment. It is not who you know, it is who you know that wants to help you.

I am sure all of us know people who would not help us out in a jam. So by default it has to be who you know that will help you. And just striking up a conversation does not necessarily do it, it is sort of a game. People who are powerful or can help are generally busy people so you have to make some impression. A good one.

Usually, they appreciate respect, not ass kissing. Just don't run your mouth like kids do these days, who have not done nothing but think they know everything. You need situational awareness. That allows you to pick up details to create a better connection - much like gaming a girl. They also appreciate people who are different, so by opening up with what do you do, is something they hear all the time. At some point it will come up, but don't make it your first few comments. They are used to people wanting favors, etc. Be different.

I am not here to kiss McQueen's ass - but the guy has those people skills, he seems very aware of the surroundings and how to deal with people. Not sure if he learned all that or is a natural, but he has it.

But as they say, you miss every shot you don't take. So start the conversation and see what happens.

Post: #5

One thing I wanted to add to the original post, which I need to do more of myself - network with fellow RVFers. We have an amazing variety of talent and experience on the forum, from all walks of life, all over the globe for fuck's sake. Having only met one fellow RVFer thus far, I'm quite intent on meeting more, whether it be for chasing skirts or stacking cash.

The Business Partner Thread should be a good start.

Post: #6

"Usually, they appreciate respect, not ass kissing. Just don't run your mouth like kids do these days, who have not done nothing but think they know everything."

Great add-on SamSamSam.

The lack of respect today from youth to their elders is sorely missing, so if you're just respectful you will stand out.

Post: #7

I always wanted a mentor. I just have my dad for financial advice. I also wanna meet as many of the RVFers as I possibly can. I like to shoot the breeze and get to know people, and exchange stories.

Post: #8

I would hope this is game 101 for most people.

You need to find a legit person to help guide you. If you don't ask you don't receive.

If you can't call 5 people right now who make more money than you, have better connections than you and are better at X than you, you'll never ever ever improve.

90% of your day should be spent interacting with people better than you
10% with acquaintances and your peers

If you're not doing that don't be surprised when you fall behind.

Most people think they are intelligent or good just because, that's simply not acceptable.

My main mentor is roughly 80 years old hopefully the guy lives till at least 100+. Happy as hell, rich, good with women (insane stories) and never hear him complain about anything. Oh to put the nail in the coffin he works 60 hours a week still and is in insanely good shape, beast mode. I fly out to meet him twice a year on my own dime.

"When you walk into a room and you're the best person in it, you're in the wrong fucking room"

Post: #9

Good advice westcoast. I've always had to teach myself some hard lessons. But I do need people higher up in the food chain. Not honking my own horn but among my group of friends I've always been the go to guy. Time to be on the look out.

Post: #10

How would you meet someone who can mentor? I hsve a man crush on an older member who gave me a call the other day I wish he lived closer. I'm starting to think its a good idea to just socialize with everyone around you and try to zoom in on the ones you connect with.

Post: #11

^ successful people hang out with successful people. Where do they hang out in your city, that's the solution. If you can add something to their life (maybe game) in a smart way you've just got a new contact.

Flights are always filled with wealthier people but they all have social lives. They ain't hanging out at walmart though.

When you walk into any room if people don't smile when you enter you don't have any game at all. Remember that when you interact with people.

No one in the world enjoys hanging around unhappy people. If you can make people feel happy, even men, they will invite you out more and more and more... Eventually your phone changes and your old friends come with or fade.

--

Edit notice McQueen (post below) and I have pretty much the same answer.

Post: #12

"How would you meet someone who can mentor?"

^Start hanging out in high class places and attending events where movers and shakers roll.

One of my favorite spots to hang out in LA is a private cigar club in Beverly Hills. When I was a club owner, the real estate guy who leased me the property, I became friendly with. Comped him bottles etc. He's a member there. That was my in. After getting in, I met other members and did business etc.

If you'll note I had something of 'value' for him (the comped bottles) and access to hot girls. Bringing something to the table never hurts when wanting advice and mentorship from older cats.

Edit: WestCoast and I posted the same thing essentially at the same time. What can I say, great minds think alike haha.

Post: #13

Yes I would love to share my women secrets in exchange for their life advice and other things. That's all I can offer right now. Hell I could even find sugar babies probably lol.

Post: #14

^ so what is stopping you.

Walk into a high end venue with three hot chicks on your arm, if you can't get a beta male's phone number (lots of betas are rich) then you're doing it wrong.

Post: #15

An additional point is that you'll find once you get into successful social circles that it's very small.

Obviously there's less successful people than average people. Once you're in, unless you're an idiot you can build from that and make mad mad connections.

Building off what WestCoast said, most of your friends should be more successful than you. Almost everyone I hang out with makes more $$$ than me, is older and established. How does that help me?

Because it causes me to grow to 'keep up' with them, instead of resting on my laurels and hanging with losers in order to feel 'important' and like 'the man'.

A large part of this comes down to one's ego and willing to be the bottom guy on the totem pole socially in order to break out of the Average Zone and grow.

Post: #16

^ pretty much true.

Average guys somehow think they are going to catch up to successful people by doing the same shit over and over again. Same friends, same venues, same responsibilities.

Sorry not gonna happen. If you are less successful at X than someone and they spend 10x more time on X than you. You lost ages ago.

Post: #17

(02-08-2014 05:39 PM)WestCoast Wrote:  "When you walk into a room and you're the best person in it, you're in the wrong fucking room"

+1
Yep. Even if it isn't true, but you think it, you're in some trouble.

(02-08-2014 05:44 PM)Screwston Wrote:  How would you meet someone who can mentor? I hsve a man crush on an older member who gave me a call the other day I wish he lived closer. I'm starting to think its a good idea to just socialize with everyone around you and try to zoom in on the ones you connect with.

How do I say this, it is isn't a mechanics (like how to) thing - it is an intention thing. I was debating whether or not to post on your rags to story thread Screwston. I am not a rags to riches guy. Intention/desire/ganas whatever you want to call it. When you are motivated enough to take action, you will find this weird thing that things start falling in place, like some "force" is helping you. I am not trying to get all weird on you. Have you ever noticed that when you focused on doing something, things you needed to happen, happened? All about intention.

Post: #18

I see what you're saying west coast. I usually brush off beta type guys but theyre usually the money makers .I've already decided to chill with pussy and focus oj money and my future so perfect thread timing.

Post: #19

^ you're better with women. They are better than you at money.

So why don't you teach them or give them a taste of chicks and not laugh at them?

Who wins if you teach them? You both do.

Who loses if you brush them off as they drive a fast whip and you bang a 10 spot but hate the car you drive? You both do.

The choice is yours.

---

Side note people who are successful can be cruel and mean. Throw me into that box because that is definitely true. The only time they will care about your success is if they see your interest in winning/success is genuine. Very strong bullshit detectors

If they see you are serious and are not trying to "get to them" you will be free and clear. If you give them the vibe you're trying to use them for something, you have no shot.

It is an art not a math problem. Successful people are very very quick to judge because they don't have time to hold hands. If it means they lose a few people who could have been great they don't care because there are many people who already get it that they can focus their time on.

Post: #20

WestCoast hits the nail on the head.

I made a strong connection with a major VC player by helping him deal with an alpha widow of a girlfriend. Figure out how you can be of value to someone and help them. You don't need to lay it out on the table, just start helping them and they'll notice that they're life is better for having you in it.

Another thing to remember is that people like helping people - you just have to give them a reason to have that person be you. As a guy who's now mentored a few younger people I can tell you that it's incredibly satisfying to see them succeed. Older guys know this. They want to build a legacy. Give them a reason to have you be a part of it.

Post: #21

Good post.

I need to get on this stat.

My business partner has an older mentor/friend who is a multimillionaire, super successful guy. He has even referred clients, and has taken my business partner to private networking events with top dogs in his industry. We just did some free work for him as well, and my biz partner is always appreciative and respectful of his help.

I used to hang out with an older friend a lot in his 30s, successful guy and I learned a lot from him. Still chat to him sometimes via phone. I think I should take him out to lunch and catch up with him. There's a lot to learn from older successful men that you're not gonna learn otherwise.

Heck, even on this forum you should be connecting with older more experienced guys. The members I have met have been a pleasure to hang out with and have helped me a lot.

Post: #22

@ensam correct. When people realize their life is better around you, you suddenly start receiving lots of phone calls.

You don't have to give them money or anything you just have to make their life seem better "when you're around".

When you walk into a room, it should feel like you're receiving a standing ovation. People should stop and say "so glad you came!" With a bright smile.

If this doesn't happen, you have no game.

Post: #23

Remember guys, one thing.

Relationships/friendships are give and take. I know I am stating the obvious.

Some people, like me, don't mind helping people but unless you are tight with them don't wear them down with what you want. Some get joy just from helping others (like I do) but it can't be all one way. As has been mentioned, provide value get value.

Post: #24

(02-08-2014 05:44 PM)Screwston Wrote:  How would you meet someone who can mentor? I hsve a man crush on an older member who gave me a call the other day I wish he lived closer. I'm starting to think its a good idea to just socialize with everyone around you and try to zoom in on the ones you connect with.

Consider joining a Masonic Lodge. You will be mentored in all things related to male self-improvement.

Game is widely accepted in that community because the majority of members are of the generation where "game" was called "being a man."

You will never meet a larger assembly of lawyers, doctors, judges, politicians that consider themselves equals and desire to help young guys get ahead in the game (and Game).

PS:
There are plenty of black masons.

Post: #25

(02-08-2014 05:56 PM)Christian McQueen Wrote:  An additional point is that you'll find once you get into successful social circles that it's very small.

Obviously there's less successful people than average people. Once you're in, unless you're an idiot you can build from that and make mad mad connections.

Building off what WestCoast said, most of your friends should be more successful than you. Almost everyone I hang out with makes more $$$ than me, is older and established. How does that help me?

Because it causes me to grow to 'keep up' with them, instead of resting on my laurels and hanging with losers in order to feel 'important' and like 'the man'.

A large part of this comes down to one's ego and willing to be the bottom guy on the totem pole socially in order to break out of the Average Zone and grow.

This is true for game in general. You should always try to hang with guys who are more advanced or better players than you are.