Post: #1

Quote:An airline passenger’s letter to the Australian airline that forced him to sit next to a man as fat as “an infant hippopotamus” who smelled like “blue cheese” and a “Mumbai slum” has gone viral due to its hilarious comparisons and eloquent fury.

According to Huffington Post UK, Rich Wisken wrote on a blog that he paid an extra $23 for an aisle seat on his flight from Perth to Sydney so he could have more room on his four-hour flight.

Instead, however, he found himself seated next to a morbidly obese man, pinning him to his seat like “a fleshy boulder.”

He tried to change seats but every empty space was taken up by passengers stretching themselves out for comfort.

“It was then I realised that my fate was sealed,” Wisken wrote to Jetstar airlines. “I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt (the blob creature in Star Wars) and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning.”
And if he wasn’t angry enough, Wisken found out two days later that a flight to Melbourne he booked with the same airline had been canceled.

The re-scheduled flight was canceled as well and the one after that was delayed for two hours.

After receiving the letter, Huffington Post UK reports, Jetstar emailed Wisken with an $87 voucher to compensate for the string of inconveniences.

“Awesome work, Jetstar!” he wrote in response.

“Two of my flights in the past two days have been cancelled. You’re so lucky that my favorite pastime is wasting both time and money getting to and from airports. Imagine how annoyed someone who doesn’t LOVE wasting time and money would feel about this situation. Man, I’d hate to be that guy…”
The full letter can be found below.

Dear Jetstar,

Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as fuck, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn’t a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.

Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn’t catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I’ll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I’ve given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how shit they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, “hehehe, they’re for crew only, hehehe“. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both “crew only” rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she’s flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn’t that exactly the same as having someone who can’t control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that’s why I’m demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.

I’m also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I’m yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don’t recover completely, I’ll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: [email protected], or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards, Rich Wisken.

http://elitedaily.com/news/world/man-wri...popotamus/

Post: #2

They should set ticket prices according to fat percentage. That way a lot of hippos would not fly and they would stay in their respective countries, helping the local zoo economies instead.

Post: #3

this is the danger of paying extra for seats with more room, or close to the front. Fatties also buy up these seats. I have been burned multiple times by this. I love the regional jets with the single seats down one side. None of this crap.

Post: #4

Lol. I always have that fear or getting stuck next to a fat, stinky fuck for the 20 hours of flights it takes me to get back home.

Post: #5

"if I don’t recover completely, I’ll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay."

hahahahahahahaha. beautiful

Post: #6

Post: #7

Typical delusional responses within that article too, like obesity is a "disease".

A disease on society, yes, but not a biological one.

Post: #8

Honestly, I don't think he got the voucher for his inconvenience. He got it because his letter was so entertaining. You know it made the rounds of Jetstar, and provided them with days of laughter.

Samoa Air charges passengers by weight, but I don't know if any other carrier has started doing it. It's usually smaller carriers that do this kind of thing out of necessity (like charging for carry-ons and extras) to compensate for low cost tickets. It's always interesting to see which larger carriers are first to adopt these policies.

However, a valid point was made in the comments. Only those able to assist in an emergency should be seated in the exit row - not someone who is themselves an obstruction.

Post: #9

I'll need to bookmark this thread for Fat Shaming Week 2.0.

Post: #10

His letter lacked class. Jetstar is a budget airline, and many of the people who buy tickets are essentially 21st century peasants. You have to spend money to get away from these people, if you can't afford to, then suck it up or try to make more money.

Post: #11

(01-11-2014 10:21 PM)RawGod Wrote:  His letter lacked class. Jetstar is a budget airline, and many of the people who buy tickets are essentially 21st century peasants. You have to spend money to get away from these people, if you can't afford to, then suck it up or try to make more money.

I doubt it even happened, he's most likely trolling. If he wanted to be PC about it, he could've, but he went for maximum effect. Good on him.

You may like to re-read his tirade. He mentions that he paid extra for an aisle/emergency seat (essentially for more leg room) and this is what he encountered.

If anyone should be paying extra money, it's the person that's inconveniencing everyone else - the fatty. If they can't afford to shell out the extra dosh to fly on the "big shiny metal thing in the sky", there's always the bus.

It stands to reason however, if the infant hippo was also in an emergency seat, that he also paid extra to accommodate his larger frame. As previously mentioned, why they would allow someone like that in an emergency seat is a bit baffling...fat people make good floatation devices maybe?

Post: #12

This is something that strikes a chord with me, since when I fly I usually fly on very long (10+ hours) flights). Have a had a couple of close calls over the years but thankfully have never had to sit next to someone who was seriously spilling over into my seat. Had a word with the head stewardess, or whatever they're called, once and moved seats. Don't know what I would do if there were no free seats, or the request was refused. I'd like to think I would have refused to sit down and caused a scene, but I don't know. People working in the air travel industry are very jumpy these days.

Anyway, it is pretty obvious a neighbouring passenger spilling over into your space permanently is unacceptable. "They" need to develop a hard plastic/perspex divider that can be inserted between seats in economy at passengers requests. Basically a divider at hip level that runs from seat level to armrest and essentially constrains passengers to their space. At least at hip and stomach level. Obviously this will not solve upper body problems, but it's a start.

But obese people really need to buy two seats, or fly in business or first class. It's a no brainer. I can understand that they are trying to get away with paying only one fare. Since I'm a fairly cheap bastard I'd likely try to get away with it myself if I were unfortunate enough to have become obese. But the airlines shouldn't let them get away with it. They should stop contemplating it and just do it. Have a firm policy that if you are larger than X dimensions you must buy two seats. If you turn up at the airport without having done so you are denied boarding. The inevitable legal challenges that come their way can be considered free publicity.

Someone said Jetstar is a budget airline. Doesn't really make any difference IMO. Sure, statistically speaking people flying a budget airline may be heavier than people flying legacy airlines, but space is space. In fact you'd think budget airlines would be the most likely to charge heavier passengers since they are like vultures looking for any tiny bit of extra non-ticket price revenue.

Post: #13

If the hippopotamus-like passenger had been a woman, he (the writer) would have received thousands of death threats by now.

Post: #14

Quote:What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man?

Post: #15

Oh fuck! That's just what I needed to read. I'm heading to L.A. in two days and just like that guy I paid extra for an exit row. I was already in my head about this same scenario, but this must be a sign.

On the plus side if there is no room to move seats I'll just have to tell the flight attendant that I'm not capable of performing the duties of the exit row and hopefully switch seats with some poor fool.