Post: #1

This isn't really in relation to game, it's just something I want to learn how to do for some reason.

I'm a young guy, late teens, but have not been part of any serious groups(even simple social groups) for years. This wasn't intentional.

I used to be a rather shy kid, which I suppose kickstarted this issue, but over the years I grew out of the shyness. Even with people I don't know I can be very social.

I believe my problem is that I think too much, which I'm not ashamed of, and I look down on dumb people who just live their life like sheep, which I'm not ashamed of either. I get along great with like minded people, those who think or behave differently than the rest, and they're not very numerous.
I cannot establish friendships with people who are simply normal and useless in every aspect.

So with that being said, are there any basic social techniques I can use to interact with the everyday, boring person without dumbing myself. Down? You know, without being like some loser who laughs at the unfunny jokes of an established leader in school or something? Like most people do. The objective for me is to try and present myself as someone people would want to follow, even for only something small to begin with.

I find it hard to explain my case, but hopefully some of you guys get it.

Post: #2

I used to think like that.

Post: #3

But this cartoon set me straight.

Post: #4

But to answer your question. Groups grow organically. You need to make a close friend - and from that you add people and start your own group.

It is hard to become a member of another crew and expect people to change just to make you feel comfortable.

It is easier to start your own instead.

Post: #5

Lol, funny, but yeah I feel you.

Any recommendations for ways to incorporate people into an already existing group with ease? Especially if the group is really small(4 or less)?

When I return to my country, I'll try hitting clubs up often which I didn't have the chance to do before cause I was to young. Will this have any effect? Do people find good buddies in clubs or what?(Not saying I wanna go to clubs to find friends, I wanna go get laid)

Post: #6

You're playing chess, the world is playing checkers. If you want to be in the game, you have to play what the world is playing. Just leave your chess hat at home and play some checkers. You'll find it's not the end of the world.

Post: #7

I don't much 'game' myself. But I remember reading that it isn't a bad idea to hang around with guys who are one step away from being a loser. Since - it becomes much easier to be the Alpha of the group on a night out. And girls pick up on that.

I could never be bothered with that. But there is probably something in it - if you just want a crew which makes you look good to the opposite sex.

But I dunno' - my going out days are over. I'm nearly 32 - and what seems important to you now will be completely irrelevent in a few years time. So I wouldn't sweat it.

The best way to get groups are with the people you are thrown into at school or university. After that it becomes harder - and it takes alot more effort. At that point you have to throw yourself into sports clubs and shit like that. I guess...

It is tricky really - because alot of people can't be bothered making the effort to make new friends. They tend to stick with the people they already know - and the people they work with. Along with the relatives and friends of the people they date/marry.

Instead - people seem to scratch the 'hang with new people' itch by going online and posting shit on boards like this or facebook.

It is just the way things are and is part of the changes that the internet has bought on society.

Post: #8

Also - if you do make a group - it won't last long. As people settle down and/or move away as they get older.

Just something to bear in mind.

Post: #9

I can't think of anyone I know who is popular/centre of attention/a leader who doesn't invite others out/into their home/into their hobbies and circles.

If I meet someone who talks about not being invited anywhere I ask them when was the last time they did the inviting. They always struggle to find the answer.

Seems like something obvious, small and non-specific. But I think its often overlooked.

Look at good promoters (event/venue/club). They are always kept in the loop by other people because they do the same back/first.

Post: #10

(12-05-2013 03:02 PM)Red Dog Wrote:  I believe my problem is that I think too much, which I'm not ashamed of, and I look down on dumb people who just live their life like sheep, which I'm not ashamed of either. I get along great with like minded people, those who think or behave differently than the rest, and they're not very numerous.
I cannot establish friendships with people who are simply normal and useless in every aspect.

SNIP

The objective for me is to try and present myself as someone people would want to follow, even for only something small to begin with.

I'm not going to humour you here. If you have a superiority complex without the visible achievements to back it up, people are going to think you're an arrogant tool and want nothing to do with you.

Would you want to hang around with this guy?



Read up on this concept:

Dunning-Kruger Effect

Now, ask yourself, objectively: on what basis do I claim my superiority over others?

Just 'feeling' it isn't enough. Set your goals, work towards achievement, and you'll attract opportunities and like-minded people who recognise that you do actually stand above the herd. The gym would be a good start. You can have a damn good body with two years of solid work, and surround yourself with disciplined minds.

Post: #11

The greats in any field tend to be very humble. And always looking to praise others ahead of themselves.

That isn't just something I have read somewhere. That is something I have actually observed time and time again.

Post: #12

There are numerous threads already on this topic. Do a search via google for 'Making new friends' and 'building a social circle.' Doing a search for 'networking' might also bring up some useful info. A lot of the newbies posted similar threads with similar complaints to yours.

Here's just one of the many threads available, just to get you started: /thread-8028.html

There is a lot of wisdom in this forum and the fact that you can't be bothered to do a search through the archives for information you need suggests, as AnonymousBosch said, that you are an arrogant tool and you expect other people to do all the work for you.