Post: #1

I’m 37, lucky to be born into a very loving and supportive family, and as a result everything went right for me. Did well at school, came to USA. Have a PhD, work in high tech, and have saved well for the past 10 years. Travelled to over 40 countries, natural at music and dance well too (ballroom, latin etc). Very average looking, 160 lbs, 5”8. Level headed and mature. Very driven, outgoing and confident. In short, enjoyed my single life.

Parents wanted me to have an arranged marriage – I didn’t like the girls they chose, so I found somebody from a SEA country. Daily online chats for 5 years, and meeting once a year in her country. At no time did I get bad vibes of being a gold-digger or out for a GC. After 5 years , inspite of parents disapproval, finally got them to give in and married her. They have been nice to her and she is nice to them.

She: Basically a nice girl at heart, but troubled childhood because of a mother who did not understand how to raise children well (severe beating, shaming etc) . Had to fend for herself throughout her life and now defense mechanism is to be very hard-nosed about everything, and accuse me of ‘controlling her’. After marriage, would fly into a rage for the smallest of reasons – for two years kept hitting me (“I hate myself for doing this”, “you are making me do this”, “I have never done this to anybody else”). At first I never hit back, because I don’t believe in violence as a form of argument. Later realized that if I didn’t do something, it would just continue. Once I started to hit back, she suddenly discovered ‘how to keep her anger in control’. Unable to keep a promise that she makes. Will only see what is hurting her, and is blind to her own actions that are causing hurt in others. Wants things ‘now’, and accuses me of ‘controlling her’ if I don’t give in. Tried to commit suicide (in front of me) and later admitted it was to ‘get control’. All things indicate that all this is about gaining control in the relationship. I don’t mind giving up control to somebody who is mature– but will not cede control to somebody who would (unintentionally) make my family into a replica of what her own dysfunctional family was. I’d classify myself as a ‘guy with a good heart, but not a push-over’. I think that surprised her a bit after marriage– she was probably expecting me to lie down and let her walk all over me.

Went to psychologist a few times, but unable to get anywhere since she didn’t want to continue – needed ‘time to rest and recover’ and says will go back later.

She is very good looking, but does not flirt around. Does not spend money needlessly and keeps a good home. A good SEA wife in many respects, but damaged because of childhood.

I’m about 90% committed to divorce right now (after 3 years of this hell). Have no kids (Thankfully).

a) Any hope of salvaging the situation ?

b) If want to remarry in my own country(you know the one where they write s/w for a living), would just get the dregs since I’m nearing 40 and the stigma of being divorced is not a desirable quality in a groom. How is it elsewhere in the world ? Logic tells me that there must be some nice women out there. Anybody care to chime in with your own experience of a SECOND marriage, to a SEA or south American girl ?

Post: #2

A few things:

1. Arranged marriage? What's your ethnicity? Is this IRT?
2. Your wife is hitting you? Jesus man, you sound weak.
3. My troll vibe is strong

Your wife should never hit you. PERIOD. This "control" stuff is all a giant shit test. One that you're failing. If you want to salvage the relationship, you need to go full caveman on her. Tell her how she is to behave, threaten that if she does suicide one more time that the consequences for her "acting out " will be worse than death (hint at committal). You should never hit back. The goal is submission.

If that doesn't bode well with you, well commit to the divorce but be ready for half of your assets to disappear. Not to mention alimony which she would probably sue for given the level of nuttery.

Grab a copy of Bang, read it, and report back.

Post: #3

On the guy's first post he drops this long tirade about his wife hitting him and how he is an international man of mystery but can't handle a woman. Online chatting for 5 YEARS before marriage? Who does that? Most people start by making some reasonable comments in their first posts, not spilling their life stories. This is quite fishy.

Post: #4

See you next month.

Post: #5

A couple of things -
I couldn't make this stuff up even if I tried. (if I could, I'd have a good career as an author).
This is my first post because so far I've just been lurking and observing - in fact, my story is what lead me to find this site.
I didn't claim to be an 'international man of mystery'.

frenchie, thanks for the response - may be best if I PM you, if that's ok.

Post: #6

Post: #7

Cut the man some slack here, everyone deserves a chance to be heard out. It's only when people ignore advice that we should ban them (remember that guy who couldn't get laid in Bangkok because he adamantly refused to make a single approach?).

Post: #8

(11-07-2013 11:14 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  Cut the man some slack here, everyone deserves a chance to be heard out. It's only when people ignore advice that we should ban them (remember that guy who couldn't get laid in Bangkok because he adamantly refused to make a single approach?).

I have seen people get bans for much less.... the ban hammer swings freely these days.

It could be a legit post... but as a first post for someone who just signed up its to much. At least contribute a little something some where before making a trollish post... bring something to to the table before asking us what you should do about getting beat up by a Asian lady. In reality with this being this "guys" only post makes me wonder what he can really bring to the forum thats worth having "him" around.

Post: #9

haha...troll looking for us to say, slap her, beat her down....
but he's dances ballroom...haha

Post: #10

(11-07-2013 11:14 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  Cut the man some slack here, everyone deserves a chance to be heard out. It's only when people ignore advice that we should ban them (remember that guy who couldn't get laid in Bangkok because he adamantly refused to make a single approach?).

I told you never to bring that up again HCE! You hurt my feelings

Post: #11

I smell a new meme. Guy gets an SEA wife and instead of enjoying a sweet, traditional feminine girl he manages to let her wear the pants.

Post: #12

Whether it's a real post or not I have no mercy whatsoever on idiots who don't know how to pick a wife. What a dumbass.

We should go back to society's traditional punishment for men too stupid to pick a decent wife -- you're stuck with her for life.