Post: #1

I have come to realize that knowing what to do is only part of the puzzle. Although I have tried and would love to say I ONLY require the lines and behaviours this certainly has not been my experience. I find that if I don't receive positive feedback for a while with the outer game (i.e dry spells/bad runs/empty city etc.) then it becomes a real test of will. Without the positive feedback it feels like I am trying to drive a car without any gas. The problem is though that I get the gas FROM doing good sets and so I find it a real struggle to motivate myself when in one of these slumps.

I am reading up on self esteem and confidence and a book I am reading says they are distinct. I wouldn't say they are that distinct but rather self esteem facilitates confidence (through taking action to gain competence). The trouble with mystery's idiom of 'competence breeds confidence' is the abovementioned problem of if you are really low then it is really hard to get the competence momentum going in the 1st place. I think this is where self esteem comes in. In the book it says how self esteem is the 'key to confidence'. This I would take to be the voice in the head. When I read it I realized overall I probably have shit self esteem aka low self esteem in general. Mostly before I enter a set I will always be thinking of what will go wrong and moving away from pain rather than thinking of the benefits of doing something and how it could improve my life. The book pretty much summed up the two poles as low self esteem- negative self talk; high self esteem- positive self talk.

Now, contrast that with when I get 'on a roll' and am 'in state' it is like or IS the experience of having temporary high self esteem. I'm pretty sure the only real difference between people of low self esteem people, who would have had more negative experiences early on making that a belief system for them, and high self esteem is just that the HSE'ers were exposed to more positive reinforcement early on in life and it led to a positive self fulfilling prophecy meaning that overall they have a positive appraisal of themselves.

The trouble is this truism doesn't really help the case for those of low self esteem wanting to reach high self esteem as it makes it like an uphill struggle for someone who is usually negative in their thought processes like myself. I suppose becoming more aware of this will help in that I will be able to analyze when it is happening and understanding it is just a thought process developed by habit and make efforts to think in more positive ways.

I actually tried that a little the other week. I remembered a sentence tyler said about 'most people are moving away from pain rather than moving towards pleasure and that's what keeps them stuck'. That week, at least the couple of times I remembered, I tried to approach sets with the 'towards pleasure' mindset. I would begin with my usual whiny nagging voice then switch it as I thought about approaching then it would make me see things differently and actually motivate me to approach. It was a nothing huge (not that I expected it to be) but quite noticeable and something which I'm sure would grow with practice. I will try and cultivate this more.

Post: #2

I have found that it is a matter of what you are choosing to appreciate in this situation. Instead of getting down on yourself for not performing your best while you were in set, appreciate that you had the courage to approach. There are many guys who routinely do not take the initiative to talk to women for fear of rejection. Recognize that you are risking your pride in order to obtain something that you want. Not everyone does that.
I don't feel that there is really any failure in making an effort to approach and attract women, there are only results. After accumulating enough results you will be able to calibrate your behavior and perform better.

Post: #3

Yup, I agree mainly a matter of focus.

I also almost solo exclusively so that I guess is always something to pat myself on the back for (and is the main reason for having to micromanage my state as I find it tougher to do alone).

Post: #4

I have found that going out solo to be the most rewarding. You are forced to interact with strangers immediately before losing social proof. There is no safe home base to cling to, which makes it a challenge sometimes. However, there are no friends to distract your game and you have ultimate freedom to do what you want. Most of my success is a result of solo night game.
The willingness to walk into a crowd of complete strangers and immediately interact and present yourself to them takes courage that not everyone has. If you are doing this, acknowledge this achievement next time your self esteem takes a nosedive. You have accomplished something that many are too timid to do.
As far as "running out of gas" goes, I think that rejection and slow periods come with the territory. I use to become furious at the end of a long night out with nothing to show for it. Nowadays I feel that I am more objective about my progress. I try to appreciate whatever accomplishments I have achieved no matter how miniscule. You don't have to score the hottest girl in the bar to feel good about yourself. Sometimes just socializing with fellow humans can be a fulfilling night out.