Post: #1

Somewhere at a set time and you show up 20 minutes late, how would you react to your friend leaving and not waiting on you?

Post: #2

Quick question. Did you tell him you were running late?

Post: #3

(07-14-2013 11:44 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  Quick question. Did you tell him you were running late?

This. Did you text/call him to let him know you were gonna be late?

If you didn't he just might have thought you weren't gonna show up.

Post: #4

Ha it was the opposite. I showed up 5 minutes late because I know he shows up late. I sent a text "1030 ay"
He didn't respond. I sat in my car for five minutes and then drove back home. I get a text from him arlund ten minutes later asking where I'm at.

He wasn't happy about it, I told him he was fucking with my time.

Post: #5

(07-14-2013 11:53 PM)kickboxer Wrote:  Ha it was the opposite. I showed up 5 minutes late because I know he shows up late. I sent a text "1030 ay"
He didn't respond. I sat in my car for five minutes and then drove back home. I get a text from him arlund ten minutes later asking where I'm at.

He wasn't happy about it, I told him he was fucking with my time.

You only waited five minutes after being five minutes late?

You may have jumped the gun a little bit.

Post: #6

Lateness isn't a good reason to ruin a relationship with one of your boys.

Post: #7

I probably would have waited longer to be honest. I agree with BB, probably jumped the gun a bit.

Part of the decision would have been is this normal for him, etc. If it was unusual, I would have been worried and stuck around and started reaching out to people who we both knew to see if anyone heard anything.

If this is normal for him to be late and disrespect (my word - not sure if you feel this way), then you should have expected this or ask yourself why he is your friend. A friend would communicate out of respect.

Post: #8

I saw it as disrespect too. That's the reason I left. He's a cool dude, he just doesn't give a Shit about people's time.

I figured leaving would make him mad and less likely to do this in the future.

Post: #9

(07-14-2013 11:30 PM)kickboxer Wrote:  Somewhere at a set time and you show up 20 minutes late, how would you react to your friend leaving and not waiting on you?

I have two answers.

The first is what I was about to post until I scorlled down.

1. I'm an adult. I can occupy my time for 20 minutes all by myself. Unless we're doing something time sensitive (have to be in a concert by a certain time or lose seats), who cares?

2. Sounds like you behaved passive aggressively and your friend is better off without you in his life.

People have quirks. We are all fucked up in our own way and part of functioning in groups if recognizing this.

I am sure your friend could say you do all sorts of "disrespectful" things, too.

Unless you hang out with shitty people, your friends don't actively try dissing you. I have friends who are serially late. It's because they are ADHD or whatever.

It doesn't bother me. My flaw is that I tend to get lost as I have no sense of direction. This sometimes makes me late and no one trips.

Of course, if promptness is a deal breaker for you, that's your right. You don't have to hang out with anyone and can choose under what terms you associate with others.

That said, in my opinion you handled the situation like a brat.

A man wouldn't just leave early after making plans. He'd have already had a discussion with his friend. "Bro, you are always late. This is a deal breaker for me. If you're not going to be on time, just don't make plans with me. OK?"

You choose to act out in a passive aggressive way, which is very feminine.

Post: #10

Yeah you better just hit him up sometime, or visit his place and tell him "Hey man, give me a heads up next time if you're going to be late, this is my day off and I have shit to do" or "You always being late is a deal-breaker".

Other than that I'm with MikeCF on this one, you reacted like a woman. I keep a shitty ass kindle in my car loaded up with Louis L'Amour westerns, a gameboy with pokemon red, extra batteries, and an old pack of cigarillos in my glove compartment in case I'm stuck somewhere (like waiting for a tow truck) and I need something to do for several hours.

If you're sure that he is going to show up but happens to be late, wasting time is not hard.

Post: #11

I'll keep that in mind. I guess I was a little off base.

I could have called him before I left.

Post: #12

(07-15-2013 06:40 AM)kickboxer Wrote:  I'll keep that in mind. I guess I was a little off base.

I could have called him before I left.

It's easy to get why you did that. We've all "been there."

You were frustrated that he always pulled that move so you wanted to tell him to fuck off to teach him a lesson.

It's just that those lessons don't really work and just tend to create bro drama.

The better way is to just bring up the issue. If you bring it up directly and he wont' change, then it's on you to decide whether to accept it or not. Some guys are worthing being friends with and if timeliness is a deal breaker for you, so be it.

Post: #13

I had a work friend who chronically made me wait for him. Eventually I pretty much cut him out of my life. Wasting my time is very rude.

Post: #14

I would agree to meet my work "friend" at noon for lunch and show up at his office at 12. His face would be glued to his PC screen and he would say "oh I need a minute to finish this email". So I'd wait and wait, then go back to my office after getting tired if waiting. Then he stop by and say he is ready. We'd walk to the elevator then he'd say he has to go to the bathroom. So I'd wait at the elevator holding my dick while he's taking a piss. Then Agnes from accounts payable would pass him after he's leaving the pisser and he'd have to stop and have a conversation with her about her bunions while I'm still at the elevator holding my dick.

He'd do shit like this all the time. Not respecting my time. So I said "fuck it" and now I tell him I have lunch plans. We never go to lunch together any more.

Post: #15

Quote: Somewhere at a set time and you show up 20 minutes late, how would you react to your friend leaving and not waiting on you?

Not saying that this was your intention, but I have found lately that there has been an upswing in guys "trying to game guys" by a type of "out alpha-ing maneuvering". Especially with the young guys.

As you age things like this become less important. But the passive aggressive or "im an alpha teach him a lesson" attitude becomes less tolerable.

If you had a meeting, a time, place and agenda yes you should be pissed about 20 min late. Sometimes I have a 45-60 min slot for a meeting, if the person is 20 min late that pretty much ruins the agenda and its either re schedule to finish or risking putting someone else out by over running my meeting.

This is basic respect.

If I am meeting up with a friend for social reasons, 20 min is nothing.

You are in a city full of stimulus. If staring out and observing human society is too boring to do for 20min, get an iPhone.