Post: #1

[Done writing now, got way long so will split it up.]

Recently I had a couple of insightful experiences I want to write up and share with you guys. Also I'd like to hear your problems and solutions to being perceived as a player.

Player Problem: "You're too easy." Coming from the girl.

This first one happened after I met a girl in a dive bar. I walked through the crowd and someone grabbed my butt. I turned around and she pointed to one of my friends.

Five minutes later she's at the bar, I need to get drinks for my friends so I walk up behind her and go back-to-basics: "If you wanna hit on me like that, the least you can do is buy me a drink." Conversation hits off, she forgets to give the drink to her friend, leaving her alone. Making out shamelessly, her hands in my pants, but couldn't come back home with me because of her friend.

At that stage, what I always do: "I know we're not going home together and I'm not going to fuck you tonight, but do you feel like it right now." Grabbing her body. "It's not going to happen, but do you want me to fuck you."

It makes her admit to it in a safe, consequence-free way and from that point we can talk about that hypersexual hypothetical situation.

Date night in the next week. She cooks. We talk and talk. She's a smart girl that overvalues her brain a bit too much. It becomes awkward when I want to escalate, she drops this beauty:

"You're too easy."

What the fuck. I literally tell her that's ridiculous because I'm a guy and of course I am aiming for sex as fast as possible. I remind her of her hand on my dick in that bar. It just becomes weirder and it almost looks like she's enjoying this. Oh damn, is she testing?

Solution: I display fake indignation. Tell her to sit on the bed. Nah. Tell her I'm not going to have sex with her anymore. She is surprised. Tell her again to join me on the bed but this time I grab and move her.

I explain that it's ridiculous that she throws that on me. That we had a great conversation and I feel offended and that it's bullshit. "At least the food was good."

Then when she tries to explain it, I push her backwards on the bed and start kissing her. Five minutes later she is going through the room, rushing to find condoms.

I walk out afterwards and say: "Who's easy now." But with a wink because I'm a sweetheart.

Conclusion: Make sure you're not too smooth (because that isn't smooth). She needs to feel like she's won you over. Turn the tables when you've slipt.

Post: #2

You aren't a player if you give off a "player vibe"

Maybe play some poker to get a sense of what it means.

Post: #3

(07-07-2013 03:55 AM)soup Wrote:  You aren't a player if you give off a "player vibe"

Maybe play some poker to get a sense of what it means.

Well yeah, that's why I started this thread. And called it a problem.

Post: #4

Second Player Problem: Sweet Girl

Caught her checking me out multiple times, but was always busy. Cute, very petite. Last week saw her sitting down, walked up to her and sat down next to her. She became nervous and giggly as fuck.

She said her friend liked me and that's why she was always looking at me. I called bullshit and said I wanted her and that we should get a drink. Reluctantly she gave me her number, and via text she said she was doubtful.

I'm still not sure about this and I'm leaving Sunday so if we would hang out it could only be tomorrow."

So tomorrow it was. Turned out she was doubting it because of loyalty to her friend. But nonetheless she came. Drinking, flirting and having a good time and nice conversation. Then we bounced to a different bar.

Tried to kiss her. Rejected. I laughed and thought: what the hell. She knowingly missed her last connection so would have to take the night bus. But again she rejected my advances: what the hell. Bar closed, so we bounced to a bench near the water.

Solution: Vocalize her concerns. I told her that I was trying to figure her out. "I know you're into me and you want to kiss me, but you're not doing it. Hmmm?" She asked me how I was so sure, and I told her she came despite her friend, didn't take her last bus and stayed after me trying to kiss her three times.

"You think I'm a player and you don't want to be played, is that right?" That was right. Saying things often releases some negative pressure. I told her I really liked her and would want to see her again. That I had been a player, but got bored with that. A whole lot of talking and making her comfortable.

Kissed her again and this time it was fireworks. Put her on the night bus, so no bang. Actually do fancy this one.

Conclusion: Make her comfortable and connect more. If you get the feeling she has her guard up, try preemptively addressing the player issue and she might be relieved. Being the one to bring it up also adds to your credibility when saying you don't wanna play her.

Post: #5

(07-07-2013 03:55 AM)soup Wrote:  You aren't a player if you give off a "player vibe"

Maybe play some poker to get a sense of what it means.

Most guys can't even approach and have a normal conversation without looking like an idiot. It's not hard to give off a "player vibe" if you can do that and are a decent looking guy.

Post: #6

(07-09-2013 04:08 PM)houston Wrote:  

(07-07-2013 03:55 AM)soup Wrote:  You aren't a player if you give off a "player vibe"

Maybe play some poker to get a sense of what it means.

Most guys can't even approach and have a normal conversation without looking like an idiot. It's not hard to give off a "player vibe" if you can do that and are a decent looking guy.

Women will give you a lot of leeway in this area. I think that her thinking you're coming off as a player is just her anti-slut defense kicking in. I've had this told to me inexplicably multiple times. What I've found is that if you have a lot of female friends that think you're great, women will get jealous or say you're a player. If you have a cool pad close to the bars/cool location then you might be a player. If you're decent to good looking and at least one other girl is blatantly hitting on you, you're a player.

The best thing to do is either agree and amplify, or not let it phase you.

Personally with some I'll actually explain that I'm much more social than I used to be, that I used to have crappy/non-existent social skills and a huge fear of rejection. Some of them the ugly duckling story works wonders, others don't believe it even though it's a true story.

I'm not a player I just crush a lot.

Post: #7

I agree, it's really easy to come across as a player and girls don't like it.
You need to be honest about your desires but in a subtle way.

Post: #8

i make flawless logistics seem impromptu and haphazard because girls prefer that vibe. I'll meet in a public place in the city rather than a bar just to "hang out, make plans from there".

I'll then ask the girl what to do when we meet. Of course she has nothing as she expects me to run the show.

I'll draw a mental blank, then finally suggest we walk to a cool area in the city rather than a bar. Walking means hand holding.

On the way i'll have to drop my bag off at home. "5 secs". now she knows where i live but i haven't invited her in yet.

We proceed to the bar i had in mind from the start.

Get comfortable, i'll get her talking about movies/tv, mention some show or clip i like. Tell her "i'll have to show her sometime". Change topic. Keep talking.

Propose we walk to next bar which is next to my house. Recall that i promised to show her that clip and invite her in. "Only a couple of minutes, then we're out, don't try and show me your clips".

On bed, gameover.

Slide too smooth. "it just happened" vibe the whole way through.


as well as the expand and amplify response you can also ask for further particulars, answer question with a question.

You're a player.
Why do you say that?
You're very confident
So you prefer guys without confidence then?

Etc

Post: #9

i guess in shorthand:

sprinkle flecks of awkwardness and indecision into your game. you have game and frame so you can recover. it's counter-intuitive but it will make your game smoother by undercutting your player image.

Post: #10

Reading your posts, I think the issue is arising from your frame. In both instances, you bought into her frame of seeing you as a player. If you don't pass this shit test, you're practically bought into her frame and are having the interaction on her terms. Vulnerability is key to avoiding this and it is paramount you adjust it depending on her hotness/self-esteem.

My method is different as well, I don't rationalize too much and talk about the interaction. I leave this for the meta discussion which is chick crack. I just ignore, reframe or if indeed I see it beneficial to buy into her frame, I will agree and amplify (as mentioned by Aneroid). I can go in to more details if you're interested. On a sidenote, check this video out, it helps understand why being indirect rather than direct and rationalizing whats happening.