Post: #1

I still get uneasy when it comes to dropping girls that I've banged a couple/few times - I feel some guilt and trepidation and regret. One of my new things that I've taken to doing is NOT banging them the last time I see them (adderall is a convenient excuse as is a "tough leg day at the gym) so that I can make it a "softer" landing (I'm not pumping and dumping quite as dramatically this way (plus it greatly reduces the risk of any false rape shit which one of my old frat brothers went through and it still spooks me)). When they send the follow-up text a few days later it sucks knowing that I'm not responding to that text and that's it. I can be an empathetic person and put myself in their shoes and I realize it sucks.

But still - a large part of me is sadistic and selfish and I am kind of annoyed that they let go so easily. Aren't I worth an extra text? Am I that replaceable? I could see them letting go that cleanly if it was just a "normal guy" but this is ME we're talking about here! The guy with the cool condo and car, awesome dog, who dresses well, loves art, talks to them knowledgeably about their travels abroad, Mad Men, and how we were the only kids in our high school who actually LIKED "The Great Gatsby". I'm THIS replaceable that you just go quietly?

It's a fucked up way of thinking. I'm glad there's no scene or dramatic text/tears (because we've only fucked twice and hung out 4 times) but it gnaws at me that chicks throughout their 20's (and even some in their early 30's) are this casual about the whole sexual exchange thing. Is it my conservative upbringing mixed with my narcissism mixed with the soft spot of my heart all coming together in a weird cocktail of emotion? Do they have some huge oaf with an 8" penis on speed dial to fuck what minor sorrow the feel away? Did they recently hook up with a bench player for the professional hockey team whose friends are crazy fun to be around? Is it because I'm still meeting about 67% of these girls on Match and while I'm near the top of the heap they have an unending supply of emails/leads in their inbox to replace me with? Would I subconsciously RATHER have a scene because I secretly need to be validated "Mike you're so awesome please don't stop seeing me!"?

Just curious if anybody else feels this way.

Post: #2

(05-11-2013 01:33 PM)MikeinMKE Wrote:  I could see them letting go that cleanly if it was just a "normal guy" but this is ME we're talking about here!

I don't think my views on this will be popular here, but you asked.
You're sort of asking to have it both ways, you want to be special to someone but you don't want to pay the known social price: investing time and emotion in them. You want a one way affection, from them to you only. It's rather narcissistic.

(05-11-2013 01:33 PM)MikeinMKE Wrote:  I'm THIS replaceable that you just go quietly?

You don't give a shit about the girl, isn't that a good reason for her to disappear? Maybe they realize who you are more than you think, and know they've been only of temporary use.

(05-11-2013 01:33 PM)MikeinMKE Wrote:  It's a fucked up way of thinking. .... it gnaws at me that chicks in their early to mid 20's are this casual about the whole sexual exchange thing.

Pot-kettle black? THEY'RE so casual...? You're the one that's pumping and dumping, right? Some of the dumpees probably would have dumped you, but you're making sure you don't find out. As I said above, maybe they're quite hurt if naive, but know there's no future with you, and don't want to get hurt more. Or maybe they're not strong bonders either.

The bottom line is, do you want to keep pretending interest in strong bonders to have a higher notch count, and keep leaving them in your wake? If you want to be cavalier about doing so, demonize them as stupid and/or scheming, and blame the victim: "She would have just ditched me anyway, so she deserved it."

You do realize this is a very, very artificial environment. A rare place where it's considered admirable to P&D chicks, some of whom were good+interested. And then say, "tough luck, somebody did it to me so...."

Post: #3

I really appreciate your thoughts and agree with a lot of what you say. No reason to think it would be poorly received - I asked.

Post: #4

I can't help but agree with iknowexactly. I am worried that your ego will cause you to collapse in a heap and start running after a girl if she dumps you first. Notice that they are sending you a message asking or worrying about you, they're just not begging. Shouldn't that comfort you? Obviously she did want to see you again, only she judged you too unattainable to pursue. (if you really think you have some kind of narcissistic disorder, that should be a great compliment for you). I just fail to see the cause for irritation.

Post: #5

(05-11-2013 01:33 PM)MikeinMKE Wrote:  u just go quietly?

Do they have some huge oaf with an 8" penis on speed dial to fuck what minor sorrow the feel away? Did they recently hook up with a bench player for the professional hockey team whose friends are crazy fun to be around? Is it because I'm still meeting about 67% of these girls on Match and while I'm near the top of the heap they have an unending supply of emails/leads in their inbox to replace me with?

Yes.