Post: #1

I won't tell lengthy stories. Suffice it to say

I've allowed dozens of bridges to burn.

Signaled to dozens of people exactly what I think the score is.

Shared my hardcore right-wing/red pill views far too aggressively and widely.

Misused online social networking sites, started and deleted dozens of accounts.

Gone hardcore direct on females who were in potential social/business networks.

Gone on wild, drunken, Mel Gibson-like rants, in public and semi-public.

And so on.

In many ways I'm in good shape. I have good natural charm and charisma, I come across well, people find it hard not to like me. I have a fantastic, committed-to-the-death fiancee, a decent family, and good teammates and training partners.

But my career, pay, and community standing blow desperately.

In many ways I have a good sense of how to clean up my act, but any insight, advice, and guidance are appreciated.

Post: #2

Never apologise. Never explain.

Post: #3

(03-28-2013 03:40 PM)cardguy Wrote:  Never apologise. Never explain.

That's actually good advice, and I don't plan to--I just plan to cultivate different habits and behavior, without back-tracking and apologizing to anyone for anything.

Post: #4

apologizing depending on the situation can get you a long way.

offer a peace offering if you need to.

it's not a "bad thing" to apologize if its gets you what you want. The "real men don't say 'I'm sorry'" is bullshit. It's what you say "I'm sorry" for: if its a means to an end I think it's just fine to apologize and give a little peace offering gift. Just make sure it sounds genuine.

Post: #5

In business you often need to signal that you're cooperative and not too much of a maverick if you want to climb.

Post: #6

Elephant in the room alert: Alcohol.

From your post, I'm getting two pieces of info that tend to make me think you might have a potential alcohol problem:

1) Mentioned drunken rants in more than one setting.

2) It sounds like the "good (sober?)" you dislikes things the "bad (drunk?)" you has done.

I get a feeling of a guy who's surprised at some of the things he's done, people who have alcohol problems sometimes report that feeling.

There's a simple screen clinicians use CAGE
( Cutting down attempts, Annoyment by others about cutting down use, Guilt, Eye-opener ( morning alcohol use) )

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CAGE_questionnaire

Also, blackouts of any kind are a bad sign alcohol really takes over with your particular type of nervous system.

Some people just cannot control their alcohol use, it matches their nervous system so well it takes over.

In the broader view, one of the problems of long-term alcohol abuse is that it stunts social development because you keep losing what you've learned socially, you move on rather than learn how to resolve conflicts or collaborate better, so for example if you're 37 and drank heavily for ten years, you may be at something like a 27 year-old's level of social development.

Post: #7

No offense, but you appear to lack social intelligence. Why do people need to know about your "right-wing/red pill views?" Why shit where you eat, i.e. "hardcore direct on females who were in potential social/business networks?"

The advice is simple. Don't drink so much and keep your damned mouth shut. Nobody needs to know what you really think, and frankly nobody really cares. Personally, I don't like when people who I don't know and are not my friends start going off with their so-called knowledge, but to each their own.

Post: #8

I'm kind of skeptical if this isn't humble bragging just a little. "I get Mel Gibson drunk, go on rants, burn dozens of bridges, and in many ways I'm still in good shape". How bad is your social standing exactly? Do you get hate messages on facebook and do professional acquaintances make it a habit to completely ignore you?

I would try not drinking for two months, then going out and unburning a couple of the bridges and see how people react. You don't have to kiss ass to apologize, just own up to it that you were wrong and you plan on being more respectful in the future. I know that's part of the 12 step program but it's not a bad idea to make amends if you were just being an ass.

Post: #9

yeah, what others have said it sounds like you might be an alcoholic.

if you keep drinking it sucks because of the reasons you listed. if you stop drinking it sucks cause you have to learn EVERYTHING all over again like a normal person. its kind of a lose-lose situation, but only the 2nd path is the true path.

Post: #10

Thanks, for the most part. A little negativity but overall helpful.

I've never been a full or even half-blown alcoholic. I don't drink often and can have one or two and stop. But those are just caveats. Genetically I think I am an alcoholic. I crave alcohol. So I'm just in a very early stage and will get worse if I continue to drink. I haven't had a drink in over two months and plan to remain that way.

(03-28-2013 04:31 PM)Menace Wrote:  No offense, but you appear to lack social intelligence. Why do people need to know about your "right-wing/red pill views?"

Well, I possessed the social intelligence to recognize it as a problem, did I not? There are a bunch of threads on this forum with people asking how to push red pill views in real life, and you'll notice I always tell them to give it up, because part of me knows the score. Still, another part of me is just too tempted, and has had difficulty letting small hypocrisies pass. So yes, it's something I have to get a grip on.

Post: #11

yeah well, to fit in you have to act "normal"

this is very hard for me too. you have to be an artist, at least that's how I look at it - there's an art to being "normal" or presenting yourself that way.

Post: #12

Thank goodness, the CAGE test confirmed that I wasn't an alcoholic. Probably close though.

Post: #13

(03-28-2013 03:34 PM)Mr.Barbarian Wrote:  I won't tell lengthy stories. Suffice it to say

I've allowed dozens of bridges to burn.

Signaled to dozens of people exactly what I think the score is.

Shared my hardcore right-wing/red pill views far too aggressively and widely.

Misused online social networking sites, started and deleted dozens of accounts.

Gone hardcore direct on females who were in potential social/business networks.

Gone on wild, drunken, Mel Gibson-like rants, in public and semi-public.

And so on.

In many ways I'm in good shape. I have good natural charm and charisma, I come across well, people find it hard not to like me. I have a fantastic, committed-to-the-death fiancee, a decent family, and good teammates and training partners.

But my career, pay, and community standing blow desperately.

In many ways I have a good sense of how to clean up my act, but any insight, advice, and guidance are appreciated.

All the guidance you will ever need in one post:
/thread-18092-...#pid315012

Post: #14

(03-28-2013 03:34 PM)Mr.Barbarian Wrote:  I won't tell lengthy stories. Suffice it to say

I've allowed dozens of bridges to burn.

Signaled to dozens of people exactly what I think the score is.

Shared my hardcore right-wing/red pill views far too aggressively and widely.

Misused online social networking sites, started and deleted dozens of accounts.

Gone hardcore direct on females who were in potential social/business networks.

Gone on wild, drunken, Mel Gibson-like rants, in public and semi-public.

And so on.

In many ways I'm in good shape. I have good natural charm and charisma, I come across well, people find it hard not to like me. I have a fantastic, committed-to-the-death fiancee, a decent family, and good teammates and training partners.

But my career, pay, and community standing blow desperately.

In many ways I have a good sense of how to clean up my act, but any insight, advice, and guidance are appreciated.

Sounds like you have alot of HATE in you, in your thinking etc. With alot of I know better than you and I will fix/get back at you type behavior. I say lose it, i used to be hardcore like this when younger. The only time the hate was helpfull to me was in a were to get in brawl. Other than that while hate is a pretty strong motivator, in the end it just makes you feel like shit.