Kentucky
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Question to white Anglos
One thing shocking to people from minority cultures is how easily white (excluding E Europe and med countries) people put their parents into old people's homes?
If they are sick they put them in a home and never visit them. This is so puzzling to non N European people, who normally care for their parents until death or if they do put them into a home visit them every single day
Also, when white people have children why are they obsessed with moving them out when they are 18 and not talking to them much? Even if they are women they are encouraged to leave
I asked my white friends and all agree it is shameful that this happens bit they couldn't explain why so many white people do it.
I assume it is due to hyper individualism
This is one reason I think the West has a declining birthrate l- who wants children if they will dump you in home when you are old where you will be beaten up by underpaid immigrants who will abuse you while your children live off your money you have worked your whole life for.
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| 03-25-2013 07:43 AM |
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Kentucky
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RE: Question to white Anglos
(03-25-2013 08:36 AM)liberman Wrote: In the anglosphere the idea of having your parents live at your place is seen as a problem. This goes for men and women, its like your parents are restricting your freedom if they are in the same living space, or at least thought of in this way.
Also parents want to get rid of their kids quickly because they themselves are judged on their parenting skills by others and its not seen as a success if your 23 year old child is still living at home. I would personally hate it if my parents stayed at my place for some reason, I would want them out as quickly as possible so I could get on with my life (yeah I know this is pretty rough but whatever).
We do feel guilty if we haven't visited our parents in a while but I can say as of writing this for me personally that space of time is a long one. This doesn't mean that I hate my parents, its just that I don’t feel the need to be constantly around them.
But if your parents were old despite the inconvenience would you not want to help them?
It would be an inconvenience for me too and I wouldn't like it but I would have to do it as it would not be moral to leave them to have a sad life of loneliness and physical abuse
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| 03-25-2013 08:52 AM |
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Kentucky
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RE: Question to white Anglos
(03-25-2013 09:07 AM)liberman Wrote: (03-25-2013 08:52 AM)Kentucky Wrote: (03-25-2013 08:36 AM)liberman Wrote: In the anglosphere the idea of having your parents live at your place is seen as a problem. This goes for men and women, its like your parents are restricting your freedom if they are in the same living space, or at least thought of in this way.
Also parents want to get rid of their kids quickly because they themselves are judged on their parenting skills by others and its not seen as a success if your 23 year old child is still living at home. I would personally hate it if my parents stayed at my place for some reason, I would want them out as quickly as possible so I could get on with my life (yeah I know this is pretty rough but whatever).
We do feel guilty if we haven't visited our parents in a while but I can say as of writing this for me personally that space of time is a long one. This doesn't mean that I hate my parents, its just that I don’t feel the need to be constantly around them.
But if your parents were old despite the inconvenience would you not want to help them?
It would be an inconvenience for me too and I wouldn't like it but I would have to do it as it would not be moral to leave them to have a sad life of loneliness and physical abuse
I am not sure where you are getting the physical abuse from rest homes?
I have been to many rest homes to visit my grandparents and although they smell really bad I cant see the harm in living there if you were an old person. Medical care, rest home workers who I have never seen acting abusive towards the elderly (except in movies) and food service. So no I would not feel guilty about sending my parents to a rest home if thats what they wanted. Although I have a feeling that as my parents get older they would want to go traveling around the country in a caravan instead of moving to a rest home.
So because they don't abuse them in front of you you think it doesn't happen?
I know Phillipinos that have worked in care homes and their stories horrify me. Stealing from patients, letting them rot in faeces, etc.
Also, is this really what your parents want or because they would not want to 'burden you' with you looking after them
You say 'if they wanted' you would not feel guilty but surely you cannot believe anyone would prefer such a miserable life over being with their children/grandchildren every day?
You think they would prefer watching TV and being neglected to playing cards or eating meals every day with their families?
I can tell you I would rather die than go in an old people's home, after all that sacrifice for your children to be thrown away like that is extremely insulting in my opinion.
And the biggest irony is the same people that abandon their parents often love dogs, and have 'saved' them from a shelter.
(This post was last modified: 03-25-2013 11:19 AM by Kentucky.)
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| 03-25-2013 11:17 AM |
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Ovid
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RE: Question to white Anglos
Family members spread far and wide, yes. Also, career women and materialism. When you are in debt up to your eyeballs like most American families, with a mortgage, 2 car payments, a vacation home, credit cards... it takes two incomes to financially survive. When mom's put in 40 hours at the office, she has no time or energy to take care of grandpa, and it would be financially ruinous to quit her job to take care of him full time. With modern medical technology though, he might live for an inconveniently-long time, even though he can't walk or bathe by himself, etc. In this situation, putting him in a home and paying for it out of his estate is much easier than taking care of him at home. It is barbaric, though..,
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| 03-25-2013 01:15 PM |
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Tim9000
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RE: Question to white Anglos
(03-25-2013 01:40 PM)Andy_B Wrote: You could actually ask a much bigger, related question, of why white anglos really dislike/disrespect/don't get along with their parents in general.
Great question. I'd love to see what people think about this.
I've always had an antagonistic relationship with my father though I think he's a good person and has certainly made a lot of sacrifices for the family. I've always respected him when thinking in these terms, but in other terms I've considered him a close minded fool, or when I was a teenager, the biggest idiot on the planet. More broadly, I thought my family was very uncool and was embarrassed to be seen in public with them. As an adult I can see that they are far from 'cool', but why did I care so much?
I have several South Asian friends and I asked them if when they were teenagers they remember being embarrassed to be seen with their parents. They weren't. That's a huge cultural difference.
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| 03-25-2013 02:03 PM |
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Andy_B
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RE: Question to white Anglos
(03-25-2013 02:03 PM)Tim9000 Wrote: (03-25-2013 01:40 PM)Andy_B Wrote: You could actually ask a much bigger, related question, of why white anglos really dislike/disrespect/don't get along with their parents in general.
Great question. I'd love to see what people think about this.
I've always had an antagonistic relationship with my father though I think he's a good person and has certainly made a lot of sacrifices for the family. I've always respected him when thinking in these terms, but in other terms I've considered him a close minded fool, or when I was a teenager, the biggest idiot on the planet. More broadly, I thought my family was very uncool and was embarrassed to be seen in public with them. As an adult I can see that they are far from 'cool', but why did I care so much?
I have several South Asian friends and I asked them if when they were teenagers they remember being embarrassed to be seen with their parents. They weren't. That's a huge cultural difference.
I'm not sure but I think it has something to do with the combination of the "individualist" culture in North America combined with the obsession with the notion of being "cool" or "edgy."
I feel that American culture especially has its priorities kind of "backwards" when it comes to what constitutes social status. There is not really much emphasis placed on being a responsible adult. It's all about being a some kind of rugged individualist 'badass' who has tried a billion drugs and goes out clubbing every weekend and reads stupid shit like Gawker and curses all the time and whatnot.
I think it's sort of a backlash against the Puritan values of the nation's founder's.
Originally, family was VERY important in America.
In fact people were so obsessed with "the children" and shit like that, that they went ahead and did stupid things like banning harmless drugs and prostitution, made a huge deal about violent music and videogames, and so on. There's something condescending in this kind of attitude towards children and family that's bound to create people who hate their parents, and make "rebellion" a top social priority.
(This post was last modified: 03-25-2013 02:17 PM by Andy_B.)
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| 03-25-2013 02:17 PM |
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porscheguy
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RE: Question to white Anglos
Anyone here actually have a relative with late stage Alzheimer's/dememntia? I'm not talking about Granny forgetting what she had for lunch last Tuesday. I'm talking about Granny not knowing which end is up or being unable to communicate because the Alzheimer's has rotted away the part of her brain that controls speech. For those who are making sweeping generalizations about white people, have you ever had this happen to someone in your family? Ever have a relative who spent much of their life being peaceful and easy going, transform into a wild animal that bites and spits when you try to wash them (thanks to advanced Alzheimer's.)
Name one other animal species that dedicates ANY time or energy into caring for the elderly members of their herd. You can't, because it doesn't happen. In the animal kingdom, once you leave the mother's care, there's no going back.
To be honest, the notion of uprooting yourself in the prime of your life to go and take care of ailing family members seems downright inhumane and silly.
The fact is, the reason why some of you so easily make your racist generalizations is because white anglos were the first people to arrive at the point where we had large numbers of elderly people who lived past the point of productivity. 50 years ago, there was no need for nursing homes, because healthcare was such that most people didn't live to the point of being unproductive and in need of 24/7 medical care. Those who did, usually died within a few weeks or months at the longest. But give it some time. Before too long, you'll see black people, latinos, and Asians all starting to make the same tough decisions.
My father and uncle put my grandmother in the nursing home when there was no other option. They had exhausted all of the in home caregivers. They both worked. Their wives both worked. Their kids were either in college, or just getting out of school. None of them were in a position to look after someone in need of 24/7 care. My father had a business to run. My uncle was a few years away from getting his pension. Can you honestly say you'd expect one to quit their job to take care of someone who will not only NEVER get better, but instead, you can guarantee each day will get progressively worse until the person dies? That makes no sense.
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| 03-25-2013 02:57 PM |
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cardguy
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RE: Question to white Anglos
(This post was last modified: 03-25-2013 03:35 PM by cardguy.)
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| 03-25-2013 03:33 PM |
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