Post: #1

I've been thinking about this occasionally for the past few years, and it really hit home this past week when I attended the funeral of a father of several elementary-aged children. I can't imagine how it must affect a child to lose one of their parents at such a young age.

That said, I'm in my mid-twenties, and my mother and father are closely approaching the ages at which their parents passed away, especially my dad - it's disconcerting to me, especially considering he has multiple illnesses including emphysema.

I've been to multiple funerals before of close relatives that have passed away, but thankfully, my parents are both alive. For those of you that have lost parents, I'd appreciate it if you'd share your experiences. I'm also interested in hearing the experiences of anyone here with especially elderly or disabled parents and the extra care they may require.

Post: #2

This isn't where you were going with this, but I dated a girl whose dad passed away when she was 18 (she was 20 when we went out). She was definitely very insecure because of this, and had I not believed in concepts like love, relationships and marraige, as I still did when I was 20, I probably would've used that dynamic to my advantage.

Since then, there's been other girls that hadn't talked to their dad in years, or whatever, and they all had similar insecurities. Probably an innate desire to need a guy to feel safe, and thus they were willing to hop into bed so quickly.

Post: #3

I dated a 27 year old girl whose dad had died when she was 25. It loomed over everything and made holidays or even everyday activities sad since she constantly brought him up.
My uncle died when my cousins were in their early teens but they did not seem to be affected by it too much... I think it depends on the relationship and personal predisposition.

Post: #4

My 3 closest friends have all lost a parent. One of them took it extremely hard as he was going through a lot of other shit at the time and he contemplated suicide from all the depression. My parents are 61 and 63 so I think all the time that they may not be here in another 5-10 years. I always set aside Christmas to fly down and spend time with them. They are pretty much the only family I have and once they are gone that's it. I just try to appreciate them while they're here.

Fifteen years ago I never even gave much though about my parents passing away. You know it'll happen but it still seems far enough in the future that it's just not an immediate concern. Then when you've been to a few funerals of friend's parents, it starts to really fucking hit home. I hate thinking about this stuff.

Post: #5

My mother died of Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney cancer) a few months ago, I loved her.

Does it make me see women in a different way? Yes, my mother raised me very well, and was a very traditional thinking women, not the garbage you see this day and age.

Does it make me question game? Yes

But life, it is what it is.

I was 19 at the time, I still haven't gotten over it. But you gotta move on in life, the way I see it, I just felt a pain everyone feels, but alot sooner.

Post: #6

(01-15-2013 01:13 AM)speakeasy Wrote:  I always set aside Christmas to fly down and spend time with them... I just try to appreciate them while they're here.

This hit home.

No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, I always spend Thanksgiving with my dad.

Attractive, feminine woman with kind parents invites me to her family's Thanksgiving dinner? No thanks. I'll drink Scotch with my dad, watch football, and cook more food than a couple of men could possibly eat.

Post: #7

My mom passed away when I was young - I think 13 or so. This is a little different than the gist of the thread which is more about losing parents due to old age, though. I don't remember a whole lot actually - just that it was devastating at the time. However, I will say that she is something that very rarely crosses my mind, if ever. I've probably gone full months without thinking about her, but then again, that is likely due to the fact that I knew her for a limited amount of time. My dad re-married not too long after and my step-mom wasn't the same but was definitely an acceptable alternative and filled a void. During the time between the passing and my new stepmom, though, I did feel a little jealousy of friends who had mothers taking care of them when I'd be over at their house or whatever. But I got over that quickly. It wasn't easy for me, but it's probably much worse for others in more heartbreaking situations.

Time really does heal all wounds.

Post: #8

My dad passed away when I was in my late 20s. I was very fortunate that I found out a year and a half before that his condition was at that time semi-terminal, because I made a point of spending a lot of quality time with him the last year of his life, putting lucrative opportunities on hold to do so. Like most men that age, I was having a good time making money, chasing girls, and having a good time with my friends. But when the shit got real, I did what I had to do, and I'm really glad I did. This is one place in life where the price of doing what you need to do is a lot lower than the price of regret. Spend time with them, as much as you can, because you never really know how much time you have left. @OP don't let the grass grow under your feet on this because with "emphysema and other illnesses" you have to know his time is limited.

Post: #9

My father died rather prematurely, in his 60s, a few years ago. We didn't get along and rarely saw each other, but I often think of him and respect his memory. I can understand the religious impulse towards ancestor worship, like here in Japan where there is a family shrine and offerings are placed in front of photos of deceased parents and grandparents. There is a sacredness about the cycle of life and the torch being passed from those who came before us, sired us, did their best despite many failings, and passed on.

Post: #10

I am 60, so my parents are gone obviously. But my father lived until he was 90, and my mother died at 80.

My mother was a saint. The word I would use to describe her is "guileless." What you saw was what you got -- devoted, nurturing, dedicated to her husband and family. My father worked at the same job for 42 years -- and he didn't own a car until he was 50. He took the bus to work everyday. We were never poor, but I didn't know how close we were to the edge until years later.

I wrote the eulogies for both of them. Had someone else deliver them. I couldn't.

I never ever saw my parents fight. Ever. If there were arguments, I never saw them. Looking back, it was perhaps the most stable upbringing you could imagine.

My parents were of the WWII generation, where you got married, raised a family, went to work, lived within your means, and kept the social fabric intact.

In some ways things are much much better today -- and in others? Well, we are in deep deep trouble.

Post: #11

I dont like to bring my personal life on open forums but i will give some details just to have another perspective.

I have lost my mother when i was 14 (she had cancer), she was my female best friend, we were really tight but i never showed that i was hurt when she passed away, everybody thought i was very strong. Soon after i started living with my older brother (just us two) who is mentally handicapped (we still living together till today, one of my sisters call me his father, he cant do most of basic things by himself). At the age of 16 i started drinking heavy, i didnt want to go to school/college, i started reading black history and i started finding excuses for my lack of success/progress (ex: i live in a country that is racist, etc).

At the age of 17, i went back to college just for the sake of it. When i was 19 i was telling this college adviser that i wanted to go to university in 2 years, he told me that in 2 years i will be too old for it, that i should do something else (never ask a college adviser what you should do with your life), i completely ignored him. Soon as i finished college, i went to university and graduated. I stopped drinking for good just before i went to university (i probably drink 5 times per year now, i almost dont touch alcohol). Im 26 now btw.

I think it all comes down to how you interpret your life. Tony Robbins says that the worst things that happens to us sometimes are the best things. I agree. When you dont have anybody to support you from an early age, you work harder, you learn faster and you become more hungry for success. Things work even better when you dont play the victim, when you dont believe in luck and when you know that you are in charge of your life and you will be successful according to how hard and how smart you work for it.

Would life be easier if my mother was alive till today? Yes, probably to a certain extent. I started eating take aways everyday throughout my teen years, that shit fucked up my nutrition, i probably didnt grow a bit taller due to that chicken and chips bullshit. I only started cooking recently.

Resuming, i have no complaints right now, actually i feel blessed. I have been balancing things well. I travel whenever i want to travel (even though im FARRRRR from having hooligan harry/scotian money), i fuck a lot of women i truly fancy, im finishing my masters, etc etc

I just tell people, whatever happened to you, dont play the victim card. If you ever meet me, you will meet one of the happiest person you have ever met. Im always laughing and always having fun.