Post: #1

Crazy story, but good read.

Quote:Three days before 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year-old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

"I can wear these pants," he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

"They are navy blue," I told him. "Your school's dress code says black or khaki pants only."

"They told me I could wear these," he insisted. "You're a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!"

"You can't wear whatever pants you want to," I said, my tone affable, reasonable. "And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You're grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school."

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year-old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn't have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

We still don't know what's wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He's been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood-altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he's in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He's in a good mood most of the time. But when he's not, watch out. And it's impossible to predict what will set him off.

http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother

Post: #2

She raised her son as a single mother.

So did Adam Lanza's mother.

I hate to stir a causation/correlation debate, but there have been statistics proven that sons of single mothers are more prone to violent crime. Being from a stable family has taught me that a strong father figure is one of the most important thing a child can have.

Post: #3

If we were a sane society, protection of healthy people from madness and evil would be the highest priority. Instead, we live in a liberal society, where the highest priority is making the unequal equal. If we were sane, such people like the author's son would be institutionalized, as happened several decades ago. Instead, we let them roam free, until an inevitable violent outburst occurs.

Similarly, look into education funding, and you'll see the per student for the mentally retarded is far higher than for gifted or even average students. Because we live in a liberal society, where the viscerally unequal and deficient have greater claim to society's fruits than the competent and able.

(12-16-2012 03:39 PM)Aer Wrote:  She raised her son as a single mother.

So did Adam Lanza's mother.

I hate to stir a causation/correlation debate, but there have been statistics proven that sons of single mothers are more prone to violent crime. Being from a stable family has taught me that a strong father figure is one of the most important thing a child can have.

While I don't disagree, it's not clear that that's the case here, with kids who are inherently mentally 'off.'

Post: #4

send that boy to the Seals

Post: #5

Plus these kids are fed pills with unknown side effects for decades during their most important developmental phases.

That couldn't possibly have anything to do with it, now could it?

Post: #6

I don't see any discipline going on. It can only be dished out by the father. Kids don't take their mother's seriously.

Post: #7

(12-16-2012 05:09 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  I don't see any discipline going on. It can only be dished out by the father. Kids don't take their mother's seriously.

They used to, when the father was there to dish out discipline if the child mistreated the mother.

And while I agree that it may just be another factor (along with pills and the estrogen laden products we all use on a daily basis), lack of discipline turns children into savages with relative ease.

Post: #8

In all fairness, psychopathy - as in excessive machiavellanism and absence of empathy - is mostly inborn. I can only imagine the devastating shame and pain that these parents have to live with. It's probably worse than having a disabled child. New York Times has actually had a superb article about this recently:

Can you call a 9-year old a psychopath?

While I'd maybe take a cautious guess at the link between Adam Lanza's mother, her divorce and his crime, I don't think we should think about that as some kind of a general rule.

Post: #9

(12-16-2012 05:15 PM)Aer Wrote:  

(12-16-2012 05:09 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  I don't see any discipline going on. It can only be dished out by the father. Kids don't take their mother's seriously.

They used to, when the father was there to dish out discipline if the child mistreated the mother.

And while I agree that it may just be another factor (along with pills and the estrogen laden products we all use on a daily basis), lack of discipline turns children into savages with relative ease.

All of the shittiest kids I knew had no father figure. I only knew of a few people were hitand they wound up fucked up. Everyone else had a strict father with a father knows best mentality. The dads were nice until you fucked up, they let you know and you carried on with your day. You should respect and be intimidated by your father. Why do you think mothers pull "do you want me to get your father" when you were talking back too much.

Post: #10

This post is a shameful example of the attention whore nature of women. Why would any mother call out her son this way? Yes, she gave a different name for the kid, but now anyone who knows the family has all of the dirty laundry. And for whatever problems the kid has, it's unfair to compare a child to someone who murdered 28 kids.

If you want help with a kid, talk to a psychologist, join a support group, or post anonymously.

Attention whoring of the worst kind. It goes to show that even though women are said to be the more nurturing/child-loving sex, they really love themselves most of all.

Post: #11

Sounds like that "troubled" kid needs to get slapped around or put to work. Boyyyyyy I cant even imagine calling my mom a bitch.

Post: #12

(12-16-2012 05:09 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  I don't see any discipline going on. It can only be dished out by the father. Kids don't take their mother's seriously.

+1

Spankings from my mother were a joke. When my father was the one dishing out the punishment, that shit hurt.

It takes a man to raise a man.

Post: #13

(12-17-2012 09:54 PM)assman Wrote:  

(12-16-2012 05:09 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  I don't see any discipline going on. It can only be dished out by the father. Kids don't take their mother's seriously.

+1

Spankings from my mother were a joke. When my father was the one dishing out the punishment, that shit hurt.

It takes a man to raise a man.

No doubt.

My father could deliver an asskicking. He's in his sixties now and not in the greatest health, but I bet he could still deliver a respectable asskicking.

My parents divorced when I was young but when I needed strong discipline my mother got on the phone and gave my dad a call. He'd drive over and whip my ass a few times for whatever fuck-up I committed.

Then he'd whip my ass a few more times for making him drive across town to whip my ass.

Post: #14

If you give a dog to someone who doesn't know how to train it, the dog will destroy the house.

My guess is that if you put this kid in a group of his 'off the charts' peers he'd flourish.

As others have pointed out, the fact that he's able to call his mother a bitch absolutely says that she's a bad parent and an even worse role model. I wouldn't be surprised if he picked up the habit of threatening with knives from her, from some incident with one of her boyfriends.

Post: #15

Quote:"You're a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!"

"You can't wear whatever pants you want to," I said, my tone affable, reasonable. "And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You're grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school."

There's your problem lady, right there. The correct response to "you're a stupid bitch" is not responding in an "affable, reasonable" tone - It's five across the eyes. And the magic words "I have rights" should always be met with a firm fist to the solar plexus.

Post: #16

http://www.examiner.com/article/connecti...ass-murder

The leftists are using this to shit all over white guys and push gun control. They've been in a real triumphant mood since their guy won, they're getting arrogant.

Post: #17

(12-16-2012 05:00 PM)Samseau Wrote:  Plus these kids are fed pills with unknown side effects for decades during their most important developmental phases.

That couldn't possibly have anything to do with it, now could it?

This mother is delusional. She never once thinks, oh, maybe the drugs the good doctor is feeding my kid is causing the violent behavior. These sorts of psychotropic drugs are known to turn depressed, suicidal kids into homicidal maniacs.

Post: #18

(12-18-2012 01:24 AM)Barbarossa Wrote:  http://www.examiner.com/article/connecti...ass-murder

The leftists are using this to shit all over white guys and push gun control. They've been in a real triumphant mood since their guy won, they're getting arrogant.

I like the comment A Voice for Men posted:

Quote:This is quite possibly one of the most disgusting bits of claptrap I have read this year. And that is saying a lot. I am ardently opposed to what the ideology of gender feminism has become, but I would not lower myself to stand on the bodies of dead children and push that agenda over the wailing of their grief stricken parents.

The early indications in this tragedy already point to sever mental illness of the shooter, as has been taken from statements made by those who knew him best. And that would certainly pair well with his horrible actions. But the fact remains that we don't have an inkling yet of what created this madman. And the piece of rubbish you posted takes us nowhere near closer.

Inferring from this horrific incident that it stemmed from loss of white male privilege, and tossing out a politicized, voodoo hypothesis of a couple of gender ideologues as though it were legitimate research makes you look less like a secular activist and more like a glassy eyed ideologue who disposes of science the moment it interferes with your worldview.

You are not a "former evangelical Christian." You are just someone who transferred his faith and dogma to a different deity.

A truly pathetic and toxic article.

Post: #19

(12-18-2012 01:24 AM)Barbarossa Wrote:  http://www.examiner.com/article/connecti...ass-murder

The leftists are using this to shit all over white guys and push gun control. They've been in a real triumphant mood since their guy won, they're getting arrogant.

FTFA

Quote:Rachel Kalish and Michael Kimmel (2010) proposed a mechanism that might well explain why white males are routinely going crazy and killing people. It's called "aggrieved entitlement."

Reading the article it is - effectively - saying that the reason friendless autistic white male nerds are shooting up schools is their innate desire to oppress women and minorities.

Between the dripping pseudoscience of sociology and the author's thinly veiled inferiority complex this is hands down the worst article I have read in 2012. If it's not a troll I'm completely shocked that someone would even publish this sort of drivel. Read the original sociology paper here. Or don't, since it is pseudoscience of the worst sort.

Not all is lost: there is still nobody who would pay to have sociologists write pages of non-rigorous philosophical vomit - the only work they do which actually makes money is teaching.

Pleasantly surprised by the comments.

Post: #20

Also worth noting that the first author is a 7+ year graduate student, white the second author is

Quote:...the founder and editor of the academic journal Men and Masculinities.[2] Kimmel is a spokesperson of The National Organization For Men Against Sexism (NOMAS).[3]

Post: #21

Quote:A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year-old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

(12-16-2012 04:47 PM)basilransom Wrote:  If we were a sane society, protection of healthy people from madness and evil would be the highest priority. Instead, we live in a liberal society, where the highest priority is making the unequal equal. If we were sane, such people like the author's son would be institutionalized, as happened several decades ago. Instead, we let them roam free, until an inevitable violent outburst occurs.

I agree. This chick is fucking retarded. She doesn't want to "wrong" her son by putting him in a mental institution yet she's putting all the other children - children younger than 10 - in danger and making them live in fear of his outbursts and threats - to where they need a "safety plan?!!!"

That shit is just messed up beyond belief...

EDIT: I read the article afterwards and saw she did get him put in a mental hospital. Sounds like was about time...

Post: #22

I don't know very much about child development or special needs children, but I would strongly advise against jumping to conclusions.

How did this child learn to become violent in the first place? A baby must learn to wield the knife from somewhere - the expression of anger and the idea of hurting others in anger is natural, but using a knife is something we learn from the outside. Same goes for calling one's mother a bitch.

My brother has assburgers, but because my mother was very sensitive to his needs at an early age, he's grown up to become a well-functioning guy, has a fiancé, and got a PhD from one of best universities in the world. My mom sacrificed her dignity, her career, and much else to ensure he came out OK. That's what a kid with great gifts can achieve with love, care and support. He would never have achieved a fraction of what he did if he hadn't received top-priority from my parents. Diagnosing kids, putting them in a box that explains all their behavior, and then writing them off as lost-causes/doping them on drugs is practical for everyone else who doesn't want to have to worry about people who don't fit within two standard distributions of the norm, but it's a real challenge for the families affected and not the best solution in many cases - and what is needed is additional support, not condemnation or fear-mongering from the media or the mob.

Reading the whole article, I see the author (Liza Long) is a single Mom of 4 kids.

I wonder how much of that anger has to do with a lack of a father.

Post: #23

take a look at this article from THE FRONT PAGE OF CNN.com: "Masculinity, mental illness and guns: A lethal equation?"

http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/19/living/men...?hpt=hp_c3

the author actually has the audacity to spin the adam lanza tragedy to actually blame masculinity itself, something that has been around well... as long as humans.

Now look at the replies in the comments, the repliers but the author in check. They explain that it precisely the opposite that is the problem. I.e. the lack of proper channels for masculity in toay's age (i.e. gen y men have no jobs for men in 20s, raised by single mothers, feminized education with no outlet for masculinity, no support in education etc...) that was the issue.

huge huge backlash in the comments of a very mainstream article.

Post: #24

(12-19-2012 04:36 PM)ElJefe Wrote:  I don't know very much about child development or special needs children, but I would strongly advise against jumping to conclusions.

How did this child learn to become violent in the first place? A baby must learn to wield the knife from somewhere - the expression of anger and the idea of hurting others in anger is natural, but using a knife is something we learn from the outside. Same goes for calling one's mother a bitch.

My brother has assburgers, but because my mother was very sensitive to his needs at an early age, he's grown up to become a well-functioning guy, has a fiancé, and got a PhD from one of best universities in the world. My mom sacrificed her dignity, her career, and much else to ensure he came out OK. That's what a kid with great gifts can achieve with love, care and support. He would never have achieved a fraction of what he did if he hadn't received top-priority from my parents. Diagnosing kids, putting them in a box that explains all their behavior, and then writing them off as lost-causes/doping them on drugs is practical for everyone else who doesn't want to have to worry about people who don't fit within two standard distributions of the norm, but it's a real challenge for the families affected and not the best solution in many cases - and what is needed is additional support, not condemnation or fear-mongering from the media or the mob.

I'm picking up what you're putting down here. No doubt. But if the situation is serious enough that you have a "safety plan" that involves your 7- and 9-year old having to hide in the car when the other flips its lid, I think it might be time to go with your instincts and get that kid away from the rest of the family.

My mom's best friend had a kid that would flip out and threaten to kill her (and us) too when he was in a mood. But my brothers and I were not afraid of him - even as kids, we'd have knocked him out in any one of those situations had our parents not have pulled back the leash and told us no. Hell, his mom could have and did - her abuse was probably a big part of his problem.

This woman in the story though, she's actually afraid her kid might be serious. She's hiding sharp objects and says he's getting stronger. And she's afraid enough that she feels her other children are in danger.

When it goes that far, I'm pretty sure it's time to take severe action, even if it's nothing more than to throw his little punk-ass in a mental facility for a couple nights to show him where continuing that behavior, which has obviously gotten progressively worse, is going to get him.

Even mentally-challenged children sometimes need to be punished or corrected to show them they don't have free reign to do whatever they want - (in my opinion,) this is especially important with extreme behavior they've latched on to because it gets them attention. If you keep letting them get away with it, chances are it'll keep getting worse. When they've become a danger to others in the home, it's an absolute must.

I agree with a lot of others that the big problem in a lot of these cases is the absence of a masculine figure in his life though. Shit, in this society, even a lot of kids with fathers at home don't have a masculine figure in the house. lol

A son with a father he respects and/or fears does not threaten to kill his mom unless he is actually 100% batshit crazy.

Post: #25

Quote:Now look at the replies in the comments, the repliers but the author in check. They explain that it precisely the opposite that is the problem. I.e. the lack of proper channels for masculity in toay's age (i.e. gen y men have no jobs for men in 20s, raised by single mothers, feminized education with no outlet for masculinity, no support in education etc...) that was the issue.

Keep in mind that if it is not masculinity that is the problem, but the absence of masculinity, the feminist conclusion becomes "yeah, that's because men are irresponsible and don't want to be fathers" (as opposed to reality, where they're kicked out). They just can't be reasoned with. It was the same thing with all those articles blaming the London Riots on "missing fathers" and similar bullshit.