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The Awl Has Good Advice for Snark Queen
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Bacchus Offline
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The Awl Has Good Advice for Snark Queen
More Hamster from The Awl.

http://www.theawl.com/2012/11/ask-polly-...hot-potato

The girl writes in looking to be more than just a good time.

Quote:
I am in my early twenties and my longest relationship lasted 8 months, and the guy was two-timing me for the last month or two of it (I was 19; he was 31). I've only been in one relationship that I genuinely believed would last, and even culminate in marriage, and that one only lasted four months. Otherwise, I've had very short stories, usually with partners I wasn't awfully excited about. This is probably very banal, but I feel like most people my age have been in at least one serious long-term relationship.

Young chick has a typical sexual history for a modern, independent woman and isn't happy about it. I bet she's touched 50+ cocks in her lifetime (how many actually penetrated pussy depends on her defenses).

Quote:
I've always been the nerdy tomboy, tough and smart and bookish. I am a weird mix of shy/socially awkward and outspoken and very political, and have seen more than most people my age have (civil war in west Africa, revolution in North Africa). I have also had a strange upbringing—I was raised bilingual, between divorced parents, and shuttled between exotic locales and education systems. I know my outspokenness and no-bullshit approach, as well as my being a smart grad student in a selective program, might put men off. I also have a snarky, slightly judgmental sense of humor, which often makes me "one of the guys." I'm not beautiful, but pretty cute, and am great in bed! This all sure sounds very narcissistic, but isn't that what existential crises are for?

Here's what she brings to the table. Several holes and nothing else. She's in a selective grad program. She's outspoken and awkward. She intimidates men. Where's the line to date this prize?

She doesn't like what life has to offer her - short stories and a degree in something useless. She really wants a man. At least she's starting before an imminent meeting with the wall.

Quote:Mostly, I feel like I tend to scare people off. Maybe I get too emotional, maybe I'm too intense… I've had a couple of friends drop me like a hot potato when I was going through depressive phases (I've had OCD for over a decade now), and I think I get sort of over-attached to people in my life. All I know is, several people who professed to love me (whether romantically or not) have gone off me very suddenly and distanced themselves from me, while reassuring me I haven't done anything wrong—which also means there's nothing I can do about it! I'm scared this all reflects on the sort of person I am, and means I tend to make people around me miserable. I'm scared it means no one will ever love me for an extended period. I do have a few longtime friends, but some of my most intense relationships fell apart so fast I don't know how any of this can last.


Fear and Self-Loathing in NYC

She sees Cat lady in her future and she's scared shitless about the possibility. Here, we have a rare specimen- a future spinster whose hamster shut down long enough for her to become self aware. She accurately recognizes her problem, being an unpleasant cunt.

Here's the good part of the answer, which has surpising honesty.

Quote:Because you're a sensitive, intense person at heart, you've had to make some adjustments to tolerate these microclimates. Vulnerability has yielded to snarky, judgmental jokes. Open-hearted conversations have been abandoned for bluster. Honesty has been replaced with performance pieces. You are tough. You are one of the guys. You are great in bed.

In other words, you've packaged yourself as well as you possibly can to appeal to men who are essentially different from you. You're marketing yourself to the wrong demographic.

But first, permit me a quick digression: Proclaiming yourself great in bed is like announcing that you can eat the hell out of a pizza, or that you can cuddle a puppy like nobody's business. "I really, really love sex," some women will announce in mixed company. (Fascinating! You know what I love? Breathing oxygen. I just can't get enough of the stuff!) Newsflash: Everyone likes fucking. Priding yourself on your uncanny ability to get men off is not going to reap many rewards in this life. Here's one handy rule of thumb: If Ke$ha can do it, it probably doesn't make you all that unique.

The rest is a longwinded stretch that translates to buy my book and get a man. The advice bitch actually diagnosed the problem and called her out for bragging about being good in bed. Shocking.

Also, I might be using a variation of that Ke$ha line on inflated egos in the near future- So can Ke$ha.
11-28-2012 11:16 PM
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Tuthmosis Offline
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RE: The Awl Has Good Advice for Snark Queen
The only part I needed to see:

Quote:"smart grad student in a selective program"

Just that she put it that way paints a picture for almost anyone on this forum.

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11-29-2012 12:02 AM
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