Post: #1

I was talking with a girl earlier on today. Great conversation, pretty good flirty banter back and forth, and overall good vibe. A player friend of mine who had been watching the interaction told me he noticed something during the conversation. He told me that everytime a touch had been initiated either by me or her, my eyes would quickly shift focus from her face to (either one of our) hands as they were moving to and from us. A quick shift of focus basically but everytime it wouldnt miss. He also told it wasnt the first time I had done it. I honestly hadnt even been aware of it until now. Is this bad? Any of you guys ever notice yourselves or other doing this?

Post: #2

yes, makes your kino look calculated

Post: #3

Okay so it is a bad thing. Any ideas for helping me to get rid of this habit?

Post: #4

Agreed, reino. It'll look calculated.

You're aware of it which is good. The only thing which will get rid of the habit is a conscious effort to stop doing it.

If you're talking to a girl face to face at quite a close level, you really shouldn't be breaking eye contact. It'll make you seem really confident and she'll pick up on that. If you're holding eye contact with her, wait for her to break it and never, ever move your eyes away first. There will be a point where something clicks in her head and you'll see her soften up, accept your approach or whatever and think to herself "oh, hello". Just focus on looking at her in the eyes until this moment and nothing else. Kino will be a breeze then because it'll be at a different level and she'll be so much more open to you touching her that even if you do fuck it up by looking at your hands or whatever, it really won't matter. You'll have that power over her and she'll let you make up for you doing it by letting you just stare into her eyes again. It creates a different vibe. Don't kino for the sake of kino. Know when to do it, it's all in her eyes.

Post: #5

Okay let me try and get rid of this damn habit. Any senior members wanna weigh in on this, by the way?

Post: #6

it's very bad. when you make some physical move like taking her hand etc never look at that specific spot of physical contact. in general looking down is a sign of weakness so pay attention to that.

as a side note your thread is cool proof of how crucial it is for any guy trying to get good at game to have a partner in crime. gaming alone is like big wtf (at least when you start) cause you don't get objective feedback from guy's perspective.

just like you said, you wasn't even aware you were doing something wrong. without that information from the guy you would keep on messing up without even knowing why.

Post: #7

Epiphany: a sudden intuitive insight into the meaning or nature of something.

Epiphanies hurt ime.

Post: #8

When you look at the touch, you change the touch's nature. There is an expression: Where attention goes energy flows. When you look at the touch as you are touching someone you remove focus from eye to eye and now the touch has become more important than you intend. In most contexts a touch should not be part of conscious thought but when you glance at the touch you give something that (should be insignificant) significance. The reason why this is not good is IMO what the touch actually communicates now. If I were to analyze the quirk in your body language I would interpret "taking (visual) notice" of the touch as a sign of unconscious mistrust. It's as if you're saying "what's this? what's going on?" Whereas when you touch while maintaining focus and attention on your speaking target, then a touch comes across as an unconscious mannerism (usually) communicating kinship and promoting intimacy. When you're conversing your attention should not divert from who you're conversing with. If you focus on keeping your attention locked where it's supposed to be (the person in front of you) you should notice your problem go away. This will also give you better results in your interactions with both women and men.

-PJ

Post: #9

you seem like a good writer. I think you could summarize those in two paragraphs but you actually wrote it pretty long without making it sound boring. Oh I wish I could write like this.

(11-16-2012 09:28 PM)PJ25 Wrote:  When you look at the touch, you change the touch's nature. There is an expression: Where attention goes energy flows. When you look at the touch as you are touching someone you remove focus from eye to eye and now the touch has become more important than you intend. In most contexts a touch should not be part of conscious thought but when you glance at the touch you give something that (should be insignificant) significance. The reason why this is not good is IMO what the touch actually communicates now. If I were to analyze the quirk in your body language I would interpret "taking (visual) notice" of the touch as a sign of unconscious mistrust. It's as if you're saying "what's this? what's going on?" Whereas when you touch while maintaining focus and attention on your speaking target, then a touch comes across as an unconscious mannerism (usually) communicating kinship and promoting intimacy. When you're conversing your attention should not divert from who you're conversing with. If you focus on keeping your attention locked where it's supposed to be (the person in front of you) you should notice your problem go away. This will also give you better results in your interactions with both women and men.

-PJ

Post: #10

If you focus on holding eye contact it will help. The best time to touch is when you are using a distraction. You want it to seem like not a big deal. When you stare at something it means you are focused on it. If you are focused on touching her it means you are making it a big deal.

Post: #11

Thanks a lot for the intel guys. As I mentioned before I didnt even know I was glancing over at times. Whats funny is that on a conversational level I normally do pretty well with girls, although I can't be sure if I had peeked over a lot during specific interactions. This does explain a few incidents though.