Post: #1

It seems like most game knowledge tends to focus on being asshole. This is important for most newbies who are used to putting girls on pedestals, and can help break them out of the "nice guy" (girl speak for non-sexual) mode.

That said, if you are an asshole when it's not appropriate, you can over-game and drive her away. In a way, it's like negging a 6 with material that you'd use on an 8: If you're value is already established as being greater than hers, you might scare her away by overdoing it.

One thing I've been noticing about the most successful promoters and players in my social circle is that they are actually all very good at being warm, polite, or nice.

This warm alpha approach is important when you get to a higher level of value. The subtle art of of how and when to be nice is different from the ultra aloof asshole game you need in the raucous club environments.

Don't get me wrong, you are still maintaining the higher ground, but there is time to be warm like a parent- it is a display of social intelligence. At times you are flirting with being condescending, but there is still enough room for the hamster to spin.

An example of this is a girl I went on a date with a couple weeks ago. I got her back to my house, we didn't bang yet, but she wants to hang out more. Actually, she wants to help me pick out a suit and get clothes etc. I hadn't spoke to her in a while, but I sent out a mass text to all my hoes today, and she responded by saying she "liked" my fan page on facebook.

I could've wrote some snarky or aloof thing, but I texted her back with "thanks!" It may seem like self-deprecating, but it actually creates a distance and puts me on the pedestal; when you are perceived as a rock star, there's no need to be defensive.

It's like that scene in Godfather II when Michael is sitting on the couch and he's arguing with someone. All of sudden, you seem him realize that he's the king, and he relaxes into the couch. No tension.

The club promoters that I know go out of there way to go up to their friends and offer them a drink from their bottle service. They chat people up a bit in a nice way, and then pull away to say hi to the next group of people.

I'd be curious to hear any of your experiences, or thoughts on when or how to be warm.

Post: #2

Solid input, and something I think I need to work on.

I tend to maintain a combative attitude when I'm flying solo. Probably some self defense mechanism or something.

I notice when I wing it I'm nicer, more laid back, and put out a social vibe, rather than a "I'm only here to fuck" vibe.

I haven't been rolling solo in a while but when I get back in the swing of it I'm gonna try going out with the intention of meeting friends. I think just having that mindset will put me, and any potential targets, more at ease while spitting game.

I also get compliments on my physical appearance on a somewhat frequent basis, so I think I might qualify to be nicer and less bullshit/sarcasm based interactions.

Post: #3

(10-17-2012 05:01 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  Solid input, and something I think I need to work on.

I tend to maintain a combative attitude when I'm flying solo. Probably some self defense mechanism or something.

I notice when I wing it I'm nicer, more laid back, and put out a social vibe, rather than a "I'm only here to fuck" vibe.

I haven't been rolling solo in a while but when I get back in the swing of it I'm gonna try going out with the intention of meeting friends. I think just having that mindset will put me, and any potential targets, more at ease while spitting game.

I also get compliments on my physical appearance on a somewhat frequent basis, so I think I might qualify to be nicer and less bullshit/sarcasm based interactions.

I'm from the east coast, and tend to be more prickly than my buddies from the west coast. This can work in some situations, but in others, there warm california vibe is much more appropriate, and they will do better.

Post: #4

be nice / warm / polite / calm / chill towards your girl when she is the same towards you. and when she starts shit then it's time to take your asshole card out of your backpocket. the whole point of expressing yourself in an asshole manner is to emphasize your personal boundaries, deal with girl's bad behaviour and get her familiar with consequences. that's all.

acting like an asshole just to impress is such a sad ass sight. it's not even over gaming, it's a complete lack of common sense.

the coolest guys i've ever met all share the same trait - they're very chill and easy to get along and it's almost like their behaviour comes from the place of "adopting frame". like a big dog protecting bunch of sheeps and dealing with the ones who start acting stupid irrational and rebelious. it's done by strong leading, taking care of girls, disarming nervous situations, pointing out diva fits, dealing with weird guys outside the group, etc. so most of the time they act nice.. until they don't.

Post: #5

I also tend to overgame and scare the cat away, often forcing the make-outs and losing out bangs. I am naturally a nice guy and should use that when I might need it to build comfort.

Post: #6

You just gotta know how to be a nice, friendly person but not some lame, kiss ass beta. That's really about it.

Post: #7

You should always be nice, but from a position of powerand security.

Post: #8

Good post. There is a difference between being an asshole, being bad, being good and being nice.

The most "nice guys" I know are bad, even plain evil. They will put a knife in their best friend's back. They are nice out of frustration. That's also why woman are disgusted this type of guys. They feel they cannot trust him. Lots of engineers/programmers fall in this kind of category.

A "good" asshole is perhaps Dr. House. He's an asshole but he's just tells things like they are. I find that most laydiesmen fall in this category. They are friend with everybody and they help just because they like to help, not because they have to. Maybe DavidX is also this kind of alpha.

Post: #9

When I'm nice to people they're very happy because they felt that they earned it. I've been a gigantic asshole to a lot of people and I'm well known for it.

Post: #10

Going along with this, I think basic politeness (please, thank you, etc) to everyone while in the company of girls goes a long way. Sets up a sort of tension if she sees you as an aloof "jerk", but at the same time very polite to all cashiers, waitress, etc

Post: #11

I think it should also be mentioned that if you are a good-looking guy, it pays off way more to be nice. A guy with looks who always acts cocky will be seen by women as vain and stuck-up, etc - whearas with a homely or ugly guy it just gets them curious and works like a charm. If you get physical compliments from women, try to lighten up your attitude a little bit and see what happens. You might be surprised.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #12

(10-19-2012 04:39 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  I think it should also be mentioned that if you are a good-looking guy, it pays off way more to be nice. A guy with looks who always acts cocky will be seen by women as vain and stuck-up, etc - whearas with a homely or ugly guy it just gets them curious and works like a charm. If you get physical compliments from women, try to lighten up your attitude a little bit and see what happens. You might be surprised.

Yeah, I think you need to be nice if you're a good looking guy but there's a thin line you shouldn't cross if you're in America. You have to be nice one second and then an asshole. Up and down like a rollercoaster.

Post: #13

I'm occasionally nice. Like the girl I'm actually about to go out with is pretty insecure but nice, doesn't have the common bitchy vibe, basically is a rarity in America. Running asshole game would not help.

Normally I give just enough niceness to keep them wondering if there's more to me than being a dick. It's like girls being occasionally playful with the nice guy, just enough to feed the validation and keep them doing what you want. Yes that side of you exists, but it's only shown when it helps you or it's been (in the rare instance) truly earned.

Post: #14

(10-18-2012 05:33 AM)jmoney29 Wrote:  You should always be nice, but from a position of powerand security.

Exactly. You can be confident and cocky, but still be nice. In other words, be "charming" (an old-fashioned word, but a good one).

Tease, obfuscate, smile, make her blush and put her head down.

Exude power and value.

Post: #15

One of the great scenes in Gone With the Wind.

Confident, cocky -- and charming.

Post: #16

Listen to tenderman and jmoney!

ALWAYS BE NICE, CONFIDENT and FUN to be around. Pessimism dries up the pussy like sand paper. Negativity does nothing, just like haters.

Even when you're at clubs and bars if there is a cock blocker attempt to befriend him and make him feel good, then steal his bitch and run!

The only outlet to be a dick is on this forum when straight bad information is given out. Otherwise ALWAYS BE POSITIVE HARD WORKING AND FUN. Life is short, if you want it to be an angry prick then you'll have an unhappy existence and never reach your potential. Work hard be positive, the guys who are dicks are underachievers.

Post: #17

I just read Roosh's first post on Helsinki and reminded me of a story that fellow player recently told me about a bang.

I actually banged out this girl several times, so it was interesting to hear his perspective. He said that he believed he got the bang because he let her talk about herself. As nice as this girl's tits are, I was a able to validate from experience when mentioned that she's "like one of us"; a female player; acting like a dude and mad-conceited.

So, he didn't argue with her. Silence was golden in this case. He just let her ramble on until she was like "let's go back to my place."