Post: #1

Morning gents,

So basically I wanted to share something I have been doing this past 4 years, something I don´t know if I am proud about, but something I have become a master of.

I have become the Michael Jordan of work slacking.

Background: I am a business guy, went to business school, did well, got a good job after college, have my own biz, etc..….I am well travelled, speak a couple of languages and I am very outgoing.

Since school I have had a small but fairly profitable import business, even though I don’t need to work for an employer (I can live with my biz), I thought I could get some extra cash and a nice office where I can get stuff done better for my own business. Also I do not mind to get all the medical benefits, insurance and what not.
During the past 4 years, I got 2 promotions, got every incentive and company award, and I probably spent only 2 hours of solid work every day, all the extra time I spent in growing my own business.
I am thinking in writing a book about this. I will explain how a regular day is for me:

1. Arrive early, around 7:30 o 8AM, only because I can get the better parking spot. I will bring donuts to the guys in the warehouse, chit chat with them about bitches, money and football. Turn on the computer and print whatever business shit I can find, always in a different language. If I show up on my bike I will come later.

2. Go to the cafeteria around 8:30, talk to the ladies, compliment their new hair, new nails, always being respectful but with hella swag. I get a coffee, wash my cup and wash whatever leftover is in the sink (careful, people get used to) Anyway most of them love me cause I do it. I personally do not mind.

3. Around 9 or 9:30 I will go to my office, put the AC on, and check my personal e-mails.

4. Around 10:30 I know is the time that the CEO shows up, I go outside, with my mobile showing that I am fixing a big messed up that I know he is aware off, compliment his car, talk about the game…come back to the office.

*I did some linkedin/facebook research on everybody I could find before getting this job, this gave me a bunch of topics to talk about my first weeks. For instance, I know that the CEO is a 49ers fan, so when I met him I did some random comment about a game…Instant chemistry from day 1.
5. At 11 or so…time to work…good 1-2 hours of work. Go to the printer, check my business newspapers in Italian or portuguese, I always receive something like..OMG you know Portuguese also? From people checking the printer.

6. Read the newspaper……time for lunch.

7. During Lunch I always invite somebody new, or somebody I don’t know, to get to know them. I know pretty much everybody in the company and there are about 500 people in our building. I am the guy who is saying *how is it going!!! to every single person.

8. I will smoke a cigarette if I see people smoking and chit chat with them (even though I don’t smoke). Company´s always have a place to smoke, take advantage of that, get some fresh air, smoke a piece, talk to the ladies, chill.

9. In the afternoon, I work in my biz 100%. I look stressed, run around looking for stuff and basically make the thing grow till like 7pm, where there is no traffic and I can leave.

10. I have an agenda with all the schedules of the important people and I make sure I am at the office when they are around and looking busy all the time. If I know that all the managers are on business trips I will come in at 11AM, talking about some crazy story that happen in the factory or whatever.

11. I will leave a golf bag in my car and carry it around after work, telling everybody to join me. Some other time I will bring my tennis equipment, other times my guitar…just inviting everybody to learn a new hobbies or skill.

12. I will post new ideas in the company’s website all the time.
Some things I do:

-I learned early how to say NO. If they give me some shit task I will politely excuse myself from doing it and delegate.

-Every half an hour, go to somebody and asking something (everybody thinks you are busy).

-Use the printer a lot, print excel spreadsheets, graphs, etc…

-Be on your blackberry all the time, even if you are checking facebook.

-During meetings, stand up and go on front, ask questions and suggest solutions

-When they call you, never answer!...makes you look busy, and call right back. Same with emails.

-Dress sharp, look your best, well shaved, short hair, well groomed.

-Don’t ask for work, they will think you don’t have enough. YOU ARE BUSY.

-Park where nobody can tell if you are in the office or not.

-I take all my sick days no matter what. I will call in sick if I am hungover for instace. Other days I will go surfing.

-Things to do while on computer: Buy presents on Amazon, pay the bills, check new apartments, read about game, business, lifestyle, new diets,gym training, crossfit, fragrances, making money, you name it!

-Get into a committee, I am in the innovation one. Go there for a couple of hours everyweek and throw some ideas that will never materialized because of the companys beaurocracy. Brilliant!

-Have your space clean but always unorganized, I keep calculators, spreadsheets, graphs, papers, business magazines, all over the place. Looks like I am heavily multitasking (while I am reading roosh´s forum).

-Delete your web history every day.

-Go party a couple of nights a week, makes you look tired for so much extra hours you are putting in.

-Always have healthy snacks in your office. Remember you are the coolest guy in the office, the balanced guy who is into sports, music, ladies and a healthy lifestyle.

-Go to the IT department and tell them that something does not work. Either phone, internet, whatever bullshit. Usually It takes forever to fix.

-That software that makes every website looks like a spreadsheet is a must (forgot the name).

-Have an alarm system that will let you know that somebody is coming to your office. I put some kind of plastic under a carpet that I brought for the office and I placed it outside my office in the corridor, if somebody comes by I get a little noise.

I can tell some people (specially the ones in my department) know what I am doing, but I believe we have a non-verbal agreement and they will not complain about me (Not that I actually care). Every time they need a night out with lizards, I am the one to call. I will take them to my Vegas weekend trips, and rolled with me….they are total AFC´s who go crazy for making out with a 6.

Basically I get along with everybody, suck a lot of ass and I look busy all day. Some people are so busy with no social skills, nobody knows about them, I am the guy who everybody likes and everybody thinks I will never do something to hurt the company.
If I want to leave early, I will leave my computer on, light on, a fresh coffee and a Jacket on my chair. People think I am still there. I remember once I left work at 2pm for like a month, nobody said anything.

I am not lazy or anything like that I just don´t care much if I get fired, since I have good degrees and experience I can get a job easily, also I have my own BIZ to cover my back. I also have great recommendations through LikedIn and on paper.

Some slackers believe being invisible is key, for me is the opposite. I keep telling everybody how busy I am, what ides I brought to the company and how they can help me out with some problems. That has work for me.

I am basically the guy from Office space after his reveal.
Anyway, I am not pretending to stop…maybe even write a book about it?

I Thoughts?

Post: #2

(09-28-2012 02:30 PM)Palo_alto Wrote:  Morning gents,

So basically I wanted to share something I have been doing this past 4 years, something I don´t know if I am proud about, but something I have become a master of.

I have become the Michael Jordan of work slacking.

Background: I am a business guy, went to business school, did well, got a good job after college, have my own biz, etc..….I am well travelled, speak a couple of languages and I am very outgoing.

Since school I have had a small but fairly profitable import business, even though I don’t need to work for an employer (I can live with my biz), I thought I could get some extra cash and a nice office where I can get stuff done better for my own business. Also I do not mind to get all the medical benefits, insurance and what not.
During the past 4 years, I got 2 promotions, got every incentive and company award, and I probably spent only 2 hours of solid work every day, all the extra time I spent in growing my own business.
I am thinking in writing a book about this. I will explain how a regular day is for me:

1. Arrive early, around 7:30 o 8AM, only because I can get the better parking spot. I will bring donuts to the guys in the warehouse, chit chat with them about bitches, money and football. Turn on the computer and print whatever business shit I can find, always in a different language. If I show up on my bike I will come later.

2. Go to the cafeteria around 8:30, talk to the ladies, compliment their new hair, new nails, always being respectful but with hella swag. I get a coffee, wash my cup and wash whatever leftover is in the sink (careful, people get used to) Anyway most of them love me cause I do it. I personally do not mind.

3. Around 9 or 9:30 I will go to my office, put the AC on, and check my personal e-mails.

4. Around 10:30 I know is the time that the CEO shows up, I go outside, with my mobile showing that I am fixing a big messed up that I know he is aware off, compliment his car, talk about the game…come back to the office.

*I did some linkedin/facebook research on everybody I could find before getting this job, this gave me a bunch of topics to talk about my first weeks. For instance, I know that the CEO is a 49ers fan, so when I met him I did some random comment about a game…Instant chemistry from day 1.
5. At 11 or so…time to work…good 1-2 hours of work. Go to the printer, check my business newspapers in Italian or portuguese, I always receive something like..OMG you know Portuguese also? From people checking the printer.

6. Read the newspaper……time for lunch.

7. During Lunch I always invite somebody new, or somebody I don’t know, to get to know them. I know pretty much everybody in the company and there are about 500 people in our building. I am the guy who is saying *how is it going!!! to every single person.

8. I will smoke a cigarette if I see people smoking and chit chat with them (even though I don’t smoke). Company´s always have a place to smoke, take advantage of that, get some fresh air, smoke a piece, talk to the ladies, chill.

9. In the afternoon, I work in my biz 100%. I look stressed, run around looking for stuff and basically make the thing grow till like 7pm, where there is no traffic and I can leave.

10. I have an agenda with all the schedules of the important people and I make sure I am at the office when they are around and looking busy all the time. If I know that all the managers are on business trips I will come in at 11AM, talking about some crazy story that happen in the factory or whatever.

11. I will leave a golf bag in my car and carry it around after work, telling everybody to join me. Some other time I will bring my tennis equipment, other times my guitar…just inviting everybody to learn a new hobbies or skill.

12. I will post new ideas in the company’s website all the time.
Some things I do:

-I learned early how to say NO. If they give me some shit task I will politely excuse myself from doing it and delegate.

-Every half an hour, go to somebody and asking something (everybody thinks you are busy).

-Use the printer a lot, print excel spreadsheets, graphs, etc…

-Be on your blackberry all the time, even if you are checking facebook.

-During meetings, stand up and go on front, ask questions and suggest solutions

-When they call you, never answer!...makes you look busy, and call right back. Same with emails.

-Dress sharp, look your best, well shaved, short hair, well groomed.

-Don’t ask for work, they will think you don’t have enough. YOU ARE BUSY.

-Park where nobody can tell if you are in the office or not.

-I take all my sick days no matter what. I will call in sick if I am hungover for instace. Other days I will go surfing.

-Things to do while on computer: Buy presents on Amazon, pay the bills, check new apartments, read about game, business, lifestyle, new diets,gym training, crossfit, fragrances, making money, you name it!

-Get into a committee, I am in the innovation one. Go there for a couple of hours everyweek and throw some ideas that will never materialized because of the companys beaurocracy. Brilliant!

-Have your space clean but always unorganized, I keep calculators, spreadsheets, graphs, papers, business magazines, all over the place. Looks like I am heavily multitasking (while I am reading roosh´s forum).

-Delete your web history every day.

-Go party a couple of nights a week, makes you look tired for so much extra hours you are putting in.

-Always have healthy snacks in your office. Remember you are the coolest guy in the office, the balanced guy who is into sports, music, ladies and a healthy lifestyle.

-Go to the IT department and tell them that something does not work. Either phone, internet, whatever bullshit. Usually It takes forever to fix.

-That software that makes every website looks like a spreadsheet is a must (forgot the name).

-Have an alarm system that will let you know that somebody is coming to your office. I put some kind of plastic under a carpet that I brought for the office and I placed it outside my office in the corridor, if somebody comes by I get a little noise.

I can tell some people (specially the ones in my department) know what I am doing, but I believe we have a non-verbal agreement and they will not complain about me (Not that I actually care). Every time they need a night out with lizards, I am the one to call. I will take them to my Vegas weekend trips, and rolled with me….they are total AFC´s who go crazy for making out with a 6.

Basically I get along with everybody, suck a lot of ass and I look busy all day. Some people are so busy with no social skills, nobody knows about them, I am the guy who everybody likes and everybody thinks I will never do something to hurt the company.
If I want to leave early, I will leave my computer on, light on, a fresh coffee and a Jacket on my chair. People think I am still there. I remember once I left work at 2pm for like a month, nobody said anything.

I am not lazy or anything like that I just don´t care much if I get fired, since I have good degrees and experience I can get a job easily, also I have my own BIZ to cover my back. I also have great recommendations through LikedIn and on paper.

Some slackers believe being invisible is key, for me is the opposite. I keep telling everybody how busy I am, what ides I brought to the company and how they can help me out with some problems. That has work for me.

I am basically the guy from Office space after his reveal.
Anyway, I am not pretending to stop…maybe even write a book about it?

Remember, stay foolish, stay hungry.

I Thoughts?

Post: #3

Brilliant! I opened this and thought it was going to be some lazy guy, but I was wrong. Funny how appearance is everything.
Its like My old man always used to say, "perception is reality."

Post: #4

Good stuff. Me and a buddy I used to work with refer to this as "DALAP" - doing as little as possible. Few questions for you: How do you manage deliverables and deadlines - reports for other people to review, to meet "system" requirement, etc.? Bang them out as quickly as possible? Or does your job not involved much of this?

I'm swamped most of the time due to the nature of my job and I work about 60 hours a week. But when things are slow, I'll dalap then bang stuff out in no time flat as I work well under time pressure and usually don't stress much. I like your model of appearing proactive instead of invisible.

Post: #5

/thread-13817.html

Careful with that web browsing. Regardless of whether you delete web history on your company workstation, a company can still centrally monitor every single thing you access if they like. They can also sniff all traffic for NSFW keywords.

Previous comments have suggested isolating all game browsing/posting to your smartphone.

Post: #6

(09-28-2012 04:46 PM)Tigre Wrote:  /thread-13817.html

Careful with that web browsing. Regardless of whether you delete web history on your company workstation, a company can still centrally monitor every single thing you access if they like. They can also sniff all traffic for NSFW keywords.

Previous comments have suggested isolating all game browsing/posting to your smartphone.

Best part is when I click on the "what do you consider a 10" thread. So far so good.

Post: #7

(09-28-2012 02:30 PM)Palo_alto Wrote:  -Have an alarm system that will let you know that somebody is coming to your office. I put some kind of plastic under a carpet that I brought for the office and I placed it outside my office in the corridor, if somebody comes by I get a little noise.

I like that one!

Post: #8

I like your style. I no longer work for a company but the last time I did I carried out a lot of similar actions. Everyone started and finished at different times on different days (it was random) but always started between 8am-10am and finished between 4pm and 6pm. I quickly figured out that the managers couldn't keep track of who was supposed to start when so would roll in at 10am (or a bit later) and go home at 4pm (should have been 6pm when starting at 10am). Lunch breaks were fixed but if you got caught up in doing something you were expected to finish it and go when you were done. I would stop working when my lunch break was due, sit around online checking out the news, shopping, reading forums for a while THEN go for lunch. Spend over an hour on lunch, come back and mess around some more. If anyone asked why I wasn't working I'd say I was late going on lunch and forgot to mention it and that I had another 15 minutes of lunch left. Whenever anybody did notice I'd come in late or went home early I'd claim it was a genuine mistake due to my schedule changing every day, never had any problems.

I'd often stop doing work and just fuck about, if anyone queried what I was doing then the standard response was "checking up on stuff from earlier in the week / day, I've got a serious customer complaint to deal with that will go high level if someone doesn't fix it now" and that was always enough to get it sorted as the managers would get shit if customers wanted to take their complaints further up the chain and if it reached top level management it would be the floor managers who got crucified for it.

Post: #9

the grain of salt:
the people you have daily contact with know you are a "social" worker - more talking with other people than working.

most of this is only possible if you have no time recording/tracking of your work hours and also no boss near your office.

what is your boss saying in your annual performance review?

in my opinion, most office jobs can be automated to high degree. get your office/excel/access+visual basic skills on top and automize as much as possible

Post: #10

A way around your company monitor is to RDP back to your home pc from your work pc and browse the web. Thats what I do.
Change your default rdp port to 80 and connect x.x.x.x:80 and your all good.

Post: #11

Classic slacker post! You put in the time, got the credentials and you're running your business on somebody else's dime. If you get the job they're paying you for done then they really can't complain.

The only thing I would worry about is the people who know you're screwing off all day long, companies thrive on gossip, it makes the day go by, so if your act is discovered everyone will know.

Sounds like a great place to work, let me know if they're hiring!

Post: #12

In my last office job i was a jedi-master of slacking too so i like to read stuff like this. Although, no disrespect it does seem your kiss a lot of ass on the daily basis. Not my style. I refuse to kiss ass with anyone. I have had people kissing my ass in work as well when traveling and guys found out about my blog and skills. It made me very uncomfortable and almost sick at times. It's the lowest form of social skills.
Personally i think its best to compliment very rarely because then the compliment is much more valued.

The amount of slacking is highly dependable on the company itself as well as your job. The more freedom to organize your own work and power you have the more chances you can explore in slacking.

If you write a book about this, i would buy it.

Post: #13

im glad you don't work for me!

Post: #14

Glad I'm not alone.

My end goal is similar but tactics differ. I work in a project-based environment for a software consultancy, and like most of these places the company is filled with mediocrity. I don't mean that as an insult as I enjoy being there, but it is what it is. It's not like I'm a McKinsey / Bain Capital caliber either.

What works for me can be distilled into the following process:

1. When I join a project, I work my ass off in the beginning. It's similar to a plane taking off. I make sure to get to know the competent people, find out which asses to kiss, familiarize myself with the project itself (what to deliver, what the inputs are, how we're supposed to get there).
2. At meetings I do my best to be the best speaker around. I will have the right body posture / language while most other are hiding their hands in their pockets, are slouching, speaking to the wall, etc. Toastmasters training has helped me here immensely! The point here is to make the best possible *first* impression as it tends to stick in people's minds if you confirm it a couple of times. Once people consider you a highly competent guy you really have to screw things up to change their minds. The reverse is also true.
3. I strive to deliver quick, easy-to-communicate and visible successes. These may actually take very little effort. Find something that's broken and can quickly be fixed - and fix it.
4. Soon enough I'll have learned the ropes, figured out what I *must* deliver, found out who I can delegate to, and from them on I'm in the cruising altitude.
   To maintain it, I make sure to:
   • teach people I never respond to their e-mails immediately; e-mail is a huge time sink and the less you respond to it, the less will be forthcoming
   • refuse to go to any meetings where I really don't have to be; offer to dial into a conference call instead or better yet, tell the organizer to just hand you the action items
   • work out a homeoffice / teleworking type of deal, which can take some time and may not even be possible in some environments; if it is, whatever work I do from home I make visible so that I build trust and avoid the suspicion of slacking
     

After some time (2-3 months or less) the amount of actual work that I have to put in to deliver what's expected from me can be as little as 4 hours per week, and the rest of the time is for me to do whatever I want with. That's because most of the other people are moving much slower, taking a lot of time to process their tasks or spending their time in meetings that only slow the overall progress down.

Unlike the OP I don't bother much to socialize, I do what I must to maintain friendly relationships with co-workers but overall I prefer to be on my own so I only put in the bare minimum here. I could probably improve in this area.

Again, I'm not especially brilliant or anything but in many corporate environments you don't have to be, you just have to work a little on automating and optimizing your work.

Post: #15

(09-28-2012 04:34 PM)presidentcarter Wrote:  Good stuff. Me and a buddy I used to work with refer to this as "DALAP" - doing as little as possible. Few questions for you: How do you manage deliverables and deadlines - reports for other people to review, to meet "system" requirement, etc.? Bang them out as quickly as possible? Or does your job not involved much of this?

I'm swamped most of the time due to the nature of my job and I work about 60 hours a week. But when things are slow, I'll dalap then bang stuff out in no time flat as I work well under time pressure and usually don't stress much. I like your model of appearing proactive instead of invisible.

I am in sales and business development. As long as my numbers are green at the end of every quarter I am good and my boss is happy.

I did a lot of research and I make sure that the company I am working for is growing. The products I sell, sell by themeselves, I have a good team below me, that helps too.

Post: #16

You should work in IT. I havnt worked in about 3 weeks. Just show up and surf the web all day. listen to xm/pandora. Cant fix anything if nothings broken.

Thus why Im always on here. I do wish I could think of a job that I can do remotely over the pc. without raising any eyebrows.

/thread-5169.html?

Post: #17

(09-28-2012 05:29 PM)void Wrote:  the grain of salt:
.
.
.
in my opinion, most office jobs can be automated to high degree. get your office/excel/access+visual basic skills on top and automize as much as possible

Absolutely. To be honest if you're even remotely smart you can cut a lot of mid-level office jobs to 2 or 3 hours of actual work per day. Just make sure that as much as possible is on autopilot and that there are no unscheduled emergencies because of sloppy work/analysis on your part.

If your boss has any sense, and as long as things are running well and you aren't ridiculously flagrant (hurt morale of people less efficient), there shouldn't be too much blowback. But just make sure that you are meeting, or ideally exceeding your boss's expectations.

Post: #18

This is great. You're an inspiration.

Post: #19

I work in a lab. I manage to slack quite a bit, but in order to do so I have to look busy. Typically when I am assigned work I give a way longer estimate of the time I actually need to finish it. I tell them it will take me 5 days. I crush it as quickly as I can, then get back to doing my own thing. I make sure to give results one day before I told them it would be ready. People are seriously happy when they get their shit earlier than expected. Looking busy isn't that difficult. I typically go into the lab, find a spot that isn't visible from the door and get some personal work done on my smart phone. Reading, shopping, browsing various forums etc. My job is a lot more tolerable that way.

Post: #20

Yeah, lots of good advice here. I guess you don't have to do timesheets at work, they suck big time.

Btw, a few guys said here "in my last office job" - how did you get out?

Post: #21

Aren't you bored out of your minds slacking? I can't do that. I'd be so bored surfing the web and doing next to nothing productive all day long.

Post: #22

I think this is only partially possible if you don't work in a panopticon open office where everyone can see everyone else's screen and your boss sits behind you. We compete with who can get the most work done in a work ticket / tracking system. We also talk about what we've worked on and what we're working on with a daily standup. People are also in the office from 9am - 9pm. People notice me shopping on amazon.com from time to time, and act somewhat irritated by it. They tolerate it, but I know it's not good for my career there.

Lavid: He's working on his business and studying things, he's productive, with non-work things.

Post: #23

(10-05-2012 03:39 AM)malc Wrote:  I think this is only partially possible if you don't work in a panopticon open office where everyone can see everyone else's screen and your boss sits behind you. We compete with who can get the most work done in a work ticket / tracking system. We also talk about what we've worked on and what we're working on with a daily standup. People are also in the office from 9am - 9pm. People notice me shopping on amazon.com from time to time, and act somewhat irritated by it. They tolerate it, but I know it's not good for my career there.

Lavid: He's working on his business and studying things, he's productive, with non-work things.

Thanks!

Yeah, this is probably no applicable for every job. I do a lot of productive things during the day, just not productive for the company, but for myself.

I will study ways to slack in different types of jobs, I am seriously thinking in writing a guide about this. I strongly believe there is a way to slack in every job.

Post: #24

We're all numbers at the end of the day. As much as you'd like to think, your boss doesn't give a shit about you. Definitely should be working on side-projects, to springboard your career and not just the man.

Generally if you're liked in a workplace, you can get away with SO much. When I used to work in a hospital, people would slave away, while I'd flirt with nurses for 8 hrs. My superior (a hardass feminazi) would know this and just laugh it off. It's all about adapting to colleagues personalities, appearing busy and having a clear goal in mind.

Post: #25

when in doubt look to seinfeld