Post: #51

I suffered from pretty bad approach anxiety, worse than a lot of guys have it, I think (or I may be wrong). I'm just now starting to come out of my shell.

The problem with a lot of these 'programs' to overcome approach anxiety is that they tend to take a one size fits all approach, but guys are different. For example, telling somebody with severe approach anxiety to deliberately crash and burn is probably going to backfire, and it's going to reinforce that fear in his mind (it will essentially turn a faulty perception into actual reality). GLL's program is generally good as it uses a proven psychological phenomena to overcoming fear (progressive desensitization), but I also agree it's a little slow and not decisive enough.

Ultimately I think you need to find the solution within you and then bring it outward. I hope to write about this experience in a series of two articles for ROK sometime down the line. The first would be finding an internal program to balance your inner game, and the second would be the act of approaching itself. If it's worked for me I think it can work with anyone and is flexible enough to suit the needs of others.

AA probably won't ever go away permanently for most guys. I'm still dealing with reducing my own, but I agree with boywonder34 that there will come a decisive tipping point where it becomes manageable at least a good enough portion of the time that you'll be approaching with at least some regularity. For me that was my third or fourth approach.

Post: #52

I think the best way to get rid of approach anxiety is just to approach women everyday obviously. There is 365 days in a year, approach 365 women. Been trying to force myself to at least approach once everyday

Post: #53

Is approach anxiety always like 'I should approach right now but I don't have the guts to do so'?

I'm more like I can approach without problem but in some few and seldom cases when the girl seems like the type I really want I could internalise that I shouldn't approach for whatever reason. It's not like I in that moment don't have the guts to approach, it's more like I internalise that it's wrong for whatever reason to in this case approach. Of course this internalising ends once the girl is gone. Very annoying.

I feel like a complete newbie on this but I can't think of a good way to overcome this internalisation.

Post: #54

Because of handy indirect openers I have never had approach anxiety. But I suffer from something worse, escalation anxiety.

Post: #55

There's two major escalations points, when you're getting her back to your place and when you're already there and trying to seal the deal. At what point does escalation anxiety strike?

Post: #56

^^Women who are down to fuck usually have no problem being alone with you. So that's rarely an issue.

Once alone at my place or some dark corner, my heart starts pounding. I know she wants me to kiss her but I am not 100 percent sure. Truth is sometimes I chicken out and get locked into the friendzone. Alcohol sometimes helps me out.

Post: #57

(02-01-2015 05:01 PM)Cheetah Wrote:  I'm more like I can approach without problem but in some few and seldom cases when the girl seems like the type I really want I could internalise that I shouldn't approach for whatever reason. It's not like I in that moment don't have the guts to approach, it's more like I internalise that it's wrong for whatever reason to in this case approach. Of course this internalising ends once the girl is gone. Very annoying.

I feel like a complete newbie on this but I can't think of a good way to overcome this internalisation.

I can relate but I don't think it's a feeling you can ever overcome completely...you can make hundreds of approaches and it could very well linger somewhere in your mind from time to time. What helps for me is to recall the post-hesitation feeling you mentioned while she's still there...it forces me to choose between the approach and the regret, and in that case I rarely choose the regret. Of course depending on your style it may not be the ideal mentality to have during an approach but it's infinitely better than not approaching in the first place.

Post: #58

I'm honestly at the point now where I find myself getting more motivated and more aggressive the hotter I think a girl is. My frame gets thrown off when a girl isn't as attractive as I thought she was. When the moment of decision comes for me I find myself having almost zero approach anxiety, although I often do need to "psych myself up" first by making sure a girl is a good prospect in terms of how receptive I think she'll be.

Eventually when you get good at screening targets and have experience dominating frames I think you'll get that way. Of course everyone's different and so this might not apply for everyone.

I said it before in another thread but the two most important things to overcome approach anxiety are knowing what you're going to say and then immediately moving toward your girl when you do know.

Post: #59

(02-02-2015 01:13 AM)Pride male Wrote:  Because of handy indirect openers I have never had approach anxiety. But I suffer from something worse, escalation anxiety.

It's interesting, I have horrible approach anxiety as well and still have the belief that I'm somehow bothering a woman by approaching her or I'm acting in a really socially uncalibrated way by talking to a stranger.

When I want to approach I feel the same level of shame and disgust as if I were a panhandler or clip board survey taker that we all try to avoid like the plague. I keep thinking it's simple fear of rejection however I have zero problems going for a kiss, physically escalating or any other risk taking behavior while out on a date. My rational mind says the rejection should be far stronger and the stakes far higher if I get a head turn while going for a kiss vs. telling a random woman I think the's attractive and I just wanted to introduce myself. And yet if a woman turns her head on my kiss attempt, pulls back or gives me the "what are you doing!?!" face I really don't give a shit and I laugh it off, only to try again later. Why can't I have this same mindset with a simple approach??