Post: #1

Guaranteed none of these guys are getting laid. For fuck sake fellas ...get a life!!

Thrash Band Members Attacked For Renouncing Their Former Straightedge Lifestyle By A Juggalo In A Hippo Costume

http://universenumberfive.wordpress.com/...e-onstage/

This afternoon, a concert in Amarillo, TX came to an abrupt halt when the second band took the stage and renounced their straightedge ways. “It’s fucking St. Patrick’s Day, I’m gonna drink a fucking beer. Screw these rules. I’m a free man, someone bring me a beer” shouted vocalist Ken Crews of the band Bound To Misery. That’s all it took for 20 members of the audience to rush the stage and send the band into a world of pain. The Amarillo Straightedge Fest was supposed to include 10 bands and was meant to be a gathering of young fans who have sworn off vices such as drinking alcohol, smoking, doing drugs, and some even swearing off eating meat and having sex before marriage. Upon leaving the scene, Crews stated “We are done with this shit. We all started drinking beer a week ago, and y’know what, it ain’t all that bad. We are abandoning the Bound To Misery name and becoming Alcohammer. We knew it would rub some people the wrong way. Those kids are all so tightly wound and angry, and that just isn’t us. I could die tomorrow, so fuck it, I’m gonna live today.”

No arrests were made, as no one would tell who actually committed the violence, and the venue did not admit to have security cameras. The show will be made up in three weeks with another band added to replace Bound To Misery. Harvey Phantom, guitarist of Oath Of Integrity said of the act “If you are gonna lose your edge, you better not do it in my town and on my stage. Bound To Misery were a bunch of poseurs. They played in their blood. Either you are with us, or…” Jesse Kimble of straightedge hardcore band Fist Of Levi interrupted saying “It was sad that it had to go down like that, but we take our edge seriously.” No proof yet that it actually ‘went down like that’, as Kimble just struck us as a typical kid with a big mouth…and small biceps.

Meanwhile, 40 cases of Tilex and 23 boxes of Twinkies were stolen from an adjoining grocery store while the melee was going on. No word on if these two crimes were connected. More on this as teeth are located…

UPDATE: APRIL 10, 2012 – After strong investigation by the FBI, the CIA, the GSA, and the NCAA, video footage has revealed that the band were attacked by two people. One, a male clown called Juggalo Dave was dressed in a pink hippo costume and the other assailant was a still at-large perpetrator dressed as Donald Trump. Confusion initially brought people to assume it was the straightedge bands who were running to leave the venue after it became known that alcohol was served there. The members of the band Oath Of Integrity, as well as members of another straightedge band, Reptile Dysfunction, have been charged with stealing the Twinkies and Tilex (as suspected all along). For a composite sketch of the perp in the Donald Trump costume: http://tyrannyoftradition.com/2011/04/30...l-drummer/

Post: #2

Straight edge kids need to do something a little more productive than bitch about those enjoying the pleasure of mind-altering substances. Fuck, I don't know - go feed starving kids in Africa or something.

There's a 'crew' of 'em in my city that wait outside bars to ambush guys stumbling home drunk. Takes a lot of courage to beat up someone that's blackout drunk, doesn't it?

Post: #3

What the fuck? I've never heard of this subculture, just finding out now this is a real thing.

Post: #4

I think this culture started with Minor Threat. I've run into a few straight edge kids at punk shows, but they've never tried anything to me.

Post: #5

What the fuck?? I'm still rolling on the floor laughing. I thought this shit was actually from the Onion. Great find parlay, damn haha.

Post: #6

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Post: #7

(05-15-2012 10:34 PM)houston Wrote:  I think this culture started with Minor Threat. I've run into a few straight edge kids at punk shows, but they've never tried anything to me.

The idea of sXe came from a Minor Threat song, but frontman Ian McKaye never wanted it to become a movement.

Post: #8

If this doesn't describe the straight edge scene then I don't know what does. It's just a bunch of loser kids with no lives or sense of direction. On the outside they try to look all hard with their piercing and tattoos but on the inside they're total fags. No drinking, drugs, sex. What the fuck is that shit?

Post: #9

Straight edge is a synonym for socially awkward.

Post: #10

(05-16-2012 02:14 AM)kerouac Wrote:  Relevant
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lol-- Fuckin magnets, how do they work?!??!!