Post: #1

Hey guys,

Not sure if this is the right section, if it isn't I apologise in advance and ask it to be moved to the correct one.

I was wondering if anyone has experience with having a girl as a confidante which you are also banging non-exclusively?

The non-exclusivity would entail that whenever the other isn't around, the other could do as he/she pleases without the need to explain or answer questions about the matter.

This applies to a possible girl. Neither of us is interested in a relationship, and while I'm unsure about the situation, for reasons of jealousy, I could do with a girl that I can just relax, be myself, bang, and have fun with; as she put it.

What advice do you guys have? How to approach it? Aspects to take into consideration so as not to get too emotionally attached?

Thanks in advance,
Dom Filipe

Post: #2

So basically a friend with benefits?

Post: #3

(01-22-2015 07:52 AM)tallandblonde Wrote:  So basically a friend with benefits?

Haha, well, the way you put it... Yeah, I suppose that would be it. Although the emotional part would be just from my side as she is emotionally unavailable.

Post: #4

It won't last long, but might as well take advantage. The worst thing that'll happen is you'll get some sex, and learn why a girl is not a good confidante.

Post: #5

Quote:Although the emotional part would be just from my side as she is emotionally unavailable.

if the emotional part is just from your side and she is emotionally unavailable, you risk falling to one-itis.

Post: #6

"I could do with a girl that I can just relax, be myself, bang, and have fun with"

Basically even after all the time on this board, you still want to be a beta boyfriend. I'm not gonna go too far into this question, as I think other people will describe what needs to happen.

The interesting part is this two word phrase.

BE YOURSELF.

1) What does that mean?

And

2) what does that imply about the time you spend with other women?

Getting your mind around that question, will answer deeper questions about Game that I don't think you've asked yourself.

WIA

Post: #7

God no, avoid this like an STD. You'll definitely get oneitis for this girl. In this relationship only you will have an emotional investment, that's a recipe for disaster.

Post: #8

Am I the only one who thinks the word "confidante" shouldn't be in a man's vocabulary?

It implies bitchassness and the womanly need to confide hopes and dreams and fears in someone else because you just. can't. handle all those little secrets yourself!

I'm not perfect, I don't always keep my mouth shut when I should. Sometimes I have the perfectly natural need to bounce something important off a mentor or a friend that I have difficulty understanding. I don't just spill out all my little feelings though.



Men strengthen each other. Betas "confide" in one another.

Post: #9

You can learn a lot from a female confidante. The best way to defeat the enemy is from within. With chicks, that meaning becomes literal. Think of it an interrogation, but more fun, like waterboarding but with semen. There's a sweet spot between the sex and emotional attachment, where she will effectively become a traitor amongst the ranks. At that point she'll tell you everything you'll want to know about how women think. Take her to a bar, mall, or social gathering, lubricate with alcohol, and let her sing like a songbird. You'll advance with the opposite sex far faster than studying them from abroad.

Post: #10

I fake having one, two girls as confidantes. It's powerful as a social circle tool and helps them get emotionally invested/attached in you.

Post: #11

Been there. Done that. I developed oneitis. Wasn't a smart move. Unfortunately we're not wired at way. Unless she's reciprocating your emotions with sex you will grow attached to her in a lopsided transaction that will lead to you making a "how do I break up with my female best friend" thread. Save yourself the pain, unless you're a masochist who enjoys self-inflicted torture.

Post: #12

(01-22-2015 10:49 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  Am I the only one who thinks the word "confidante" shouldn't be in a man's vocabulary?

Yes. Too much Roissy.

WIA

Post: #13

(01-22-2015 09:56 AM)Sharkie Wrote:  

Quote:Although the emotional part would be just from my side as she is emotionally unavailable.

if the emotional part is just from your side and she is emotionally unavailable, you risk falling to one-itis.

Sounds like the worst idea since the Napoleonic invasion of Russia in the dead of winter.

Post: #14

(01-22-2015 12:30 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

(01-22-2015 10:49 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  Am I the only one who thinks the word "confidante" shouldn't be in a man's vocabulary?

Yes. Too much Roissy.

WIA

I had to google Roissy.

What's wrong with it?? I've only read a little bit but it seems pretty solid.

Post: #15

Change the job description to: Threesome Recruiting Agent,

and you're good to go.

Post: #16

(01-22-2015 07:56 AM)Dom Filipe Wrote:  

(01-22-2015 07:52 AM)tallandblonde Wrote:  So basically a friend with benefits?

Haha, well, the way you put it... Yeah, I suppose that would be it. Although the emotional part would be just from my side as she is emotionally unavailable.

The way I read this, it's as if you're saying you would be the emotionally attached one and you know she won't.

If I'm understanding you correctly, you need to adopt a 180 degree opposite mindset.

The man should always be the emotionally unavailable one until the girl shows that she is the available one and until she ASKS for commitment and exclusivity.

If you're agreeing to be emotionally available while she won't be....you're being the female in the relationship and she's playing the masculine part. Fuck that.

Be the immovable uncaring mountain and let her be the wind that whips around you and the seasons that change.

Until she pushes you for exclusivity and says she has feelings, you should adopt the attitude of a fun, cocky alpha male. Of course, you should always retain this mindset even after exclusivity.

Let the woman be the emotional one pushing for commitment always. Whatever you have to do to be emotionally unattached - do it. Work out. Spin plates ( the best way ), Always have cool stuff to do with friends, etc. Sounds like you also need to internalize a lot more red pill wisdom too.

If you don't follow this template, you're setting yourself up for potential emotional devastation when she leaves you because of your over-emotionalism and neediness. And leave you she will if you don't be the man in the relationship.

Post: #17

No

Post: #18

(01-22-2015 10:49 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  Am I the only one who thinks the word "confidante" shouldn't be in a man's vocabulary?
....
Men strengthen each other. Betas "confide" in one another.

I agree. I have good friend who I dated years ago. We used to meet weekly and talk about spirituality and life. I basically treated her like a sister after our relationship ended.

But even with her I simply cannot share everything because she simply would never accept my current full-masculine Red Pill view. Also I never "confide" in her about the occasional fears or weaknesses I have about my life.

I you want to share that do it with your closest male friend - never do it with a woman.

Friends with benefits never lasts long-term - one or the other side will get emotionally attached. Usually it's the woman if she is into you or if she is not overly attracted to you, then it will be you while she is just waiting for someone better to come around.

A confidante cannot even be your wife - forget that thing - it's either your dog, your favorite bottle of scotch or your best mate, but no woman.

Post: #19

Thanks guys, just wanted confirmation of what I thought.

(01-22-2015 10:05 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  "I could do with a girl that I can just relax, be myself, bang, and have fun with"

Basically even after all the time on this board, you still want to be a beta boyfriend. I'm not gonna go too far into this question, as I think other people will describe what needs to happen.

The interesting part is this two word phrase.

BE YOURSELF.

1) What does that mean?

And

2) what does that imply about the time you spend with other women?

Getting your mind around that question, will answer deeper questions about Game that I don't think you've asked yourself.

WIA

You are absolutely right. While I've been lurking in this board for quite sometime and know the theory, I'll admit I haven't practiced what is written. It's about time that I not only do some introspection, but that also to actually get in the trenches and apply the theory...

(01-22-2015 01:08 PM)robreke Wrote:  The way I read this, it's as if you're saying you would be the emotionally attached one and you know she won't.

If I'm understanding you correctly, you need to adopt a 180 degree opposite mindset.

The man should always be the emotionally unavailable one until the girl shows that she is the available one and until she ASKS for commitment and exclusivity.

If you're agreeing to be emotionally available while she won't be....you're being the female in the relationship and she's playing the masculine part. Fuck that.

Be the immovable uncaring mountain and let her be the wind that whips around you and the seasons that change.

Until she pushes you for exclusivity and says she has feelings, you should adopt the attitude of a fun, cocky alpha male. Of course, you should always retain this mindset even after exclusivity.

Let the woman be the emotional one pushing for commitment always. Whatever you have to do to be emotionally unattached - do it. Work out. Spin plates ( the best way ), Always have cool stuff to do with friends, etc. Sounds like you also need to internalize a lot more red pill wisdom too.

If you don't follow this template, you're setting yourself up for potential emotional devastation when she leaves you because of your over-emotionalism and neediness. And leave you she will if you don't be the man in the relationship.

Unfortunately the red pill is still stuck in my throat; it is truly a bitter pill to swallow.
I'll just have to next her. Shame cause she is actually a damn cool chick.

Cheers guys

Post: #20

No, definitely not a girl you're banging. Like ryanf said, might as well...you'll learn why it won't work. Women can have great insight, but...not as good as men, and a chic you're banging has an agenda and will use it as manipulation.

A confidante is someone with whom you'll probably wish you'd shared said certain things.

- I tell my sister a lot (I usually say "everything", but the reality is not everything). I can't think of anything I wish I hadn't said to her.
- I told my psychologist everything back when I was dealing with divorce. I can't think of anything I wish I hadn't said to her.

Those are the only two people I don't regret telling things. Even my closest friend now, a great guy, I have tip-toed the line with, which is fine, but if I had it to do again, I wouldn't do. I have other friends I said way too much to and regret it.

You'll learn though.

Post: #21

(01-22-2015 03:58 PM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

(01-22-2015 10:49 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  Am I the only one who thinks the word "confidante" shouldn't be in a man's vocabulary?
....
Men strengthen each other. Betas "confide" in one another.

A confidante cannot even be your wife - forget that thing - it's either your dog, your favorite bottle of scotch or your best mate, but no woman.

^Damn right.

I'm not being cynical or jaded in this view either, WIA. While I think you have great advice, I disagree with you here. If you are actively pursuing success, neither women nor men should gain your total confidence and absolute trust because in the end only you should make the decisions on things that are important to you. If you give away important secrets about yourself or your plans, they become weakened.

Especially with a woman. Why would you tell someone biologically prone to gossip about things that could be used to exploit you?

Post: #22

My best female friend and I have banged. I think like 3 separate occasions, all within a few months of each other, about 5-6 years ago. She is emotionally detached enough that she didn't get clingy. She has a high notch count, so I was sure to wrap it up.

Sometimes when we have been drunk she wanted to bang but I thought we shouldn't (LJBF) so we didn't. She would be really forward but I was just like "nah" and she was OK with it.

We remained friends, and would share stories about our romantic lives with each other. She had no jealousy issues, she would hook it up with friends of hers she knew were on the prowl.

I have never found a girl like that besides her though. The kinda people who can do this are very rare. Probably finding a girl who is already a bit of a "player" is the best way to do it. She is also my own age, and into guys much older than herself for relationships generally, so I guess I was never "boyfriend" material to her. Perfect.

Post: #23

I used to bang my grandpa's wife. We never got emotionally attached, although I could sense she would get jealous when she saw me with other girls but she knew she couldn't because she was married.

Does that count?

Post: #24

(01-22-2015 05:08 PM)MidWest Wrote:  I used to bang my grandpa's wife. We never got emotionally attached, although I could sense she would get jealous when she saw me with other girls but she knew she couldn't because she was married.

Does that count?

How did you end up banging your grandpa's wife? Can you tell the whole story?

Post: #25

(01-22-2015 12:56 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

(01-22-2015 12:30 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

(01-22-2015 10:49 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  Am I the only one who thinks the word "confidante" shouldn't be in a man's vocabulary?

Yes. Too much Roissy.

WIA

I had to google Roissy.

What's wrong with it?? I've only read a little bit but it seems pretty solid.

Confidante is a totally valid word, and concept.

Rigid adherence to so called rules won't help a guy or his game. It's lockstep thinking that has most guys stuck.

WIA