Post: #326

I broke up with my girlfriend that I'd been living with for over a year a while ago. In short, I handled it very very badly. I wish I had found this thread before...anyway.

It really fucked her up. She lost her job around the same time too, and fell into a true depression.

I met up with her a few times after (obviously that was a mistake) and it was truly awful.

The thing is she's an amazing girl (that's going to come off as bedwetter, but it's true) and I shouldn't have broken up with her (but I did, and that's that).

I didn't say any of that when I left her. I wanted to make sure she knew and make things ok, so far as possible. I took some advice from a few girls (who I'm not interested in, of course), and they pretty much all said the same thing - send her a letter telling her how you feel and leave it there, which is what I did. I sent her an email saying all the things I should have said in the first place, really opened up, and pretty much left it there.

She phoned to say thank you, I explained I put it all in a letter just because I wanted to be sure I said everything right. 'Bye', 'Bye'.

I get a call from her shortly after which was pretty positive, kinda telling me to move on, which was weirdly coincidental as I sent someone a FB message just before saying I was still fucked up about it, which made me think she might have access to my FB. In fact, of course she did.

The problem now is, I still think about this all the time. Like every morning when I wake up.

The last time I saw her she wasn't sleeping, had bags under her eyes, all her colours were faded, all my fault.

That was a while ago, and for all I know she's fine now.

The question is, would it be a mistake to contact her to be sure? It could give me a lot of peace. I think I've been in something of a depression myself.

However, I worry that she might just be getting over it all, seeing someone else, and it'll just do harm?

Maintain No Contact?

Post: #327

(04-21-2018 07:04 PM)sterlingarcher Wrote:  I get a call from her shortly after which was pretty positive, kinda telling me to move on, which was weirdly coincidental as I sent someone a FB message just before saying I was still fucked up about it, which made me think she might have access to my FB. In fact, of course she did.

The problem now is, I still think about this all the time. Like every morning when I wake up.

The last time I saw her she wasn't sleeping, had bags under her eyes, all her colours were faded, all my fault.

That was a while ago, and for all I know she's fine now.

The question is, would it be a mistake to contact her to be sure? It could give me a lot of peace. I think I've been in something of a depression myself.

However, I worry that she might just be getting over it all, seeing someone else, and it'll just do harm?

Maintain No Contact?

Absolutely. Maintain No Contact.

"..but should I reach out.. just to check?" hamstering.

Plus. You are confusing her state as your responsibility.

Are you about to get back together with her for the ongoing future? No.

So this is about de-cluttering your future. Moving on to what will make you happy.

Nothing good will come from hitching your responsibility to her state when you are both trying to move on.

Block. Block. and Block again.

Then >Move On<.

Post: #328

She'll get over it more easily than you will. Focus on yourself for the time being, and let her focus on herself. Contacting her, even just to make sure she's alright, prevents both of you from moving on and building independent, sustainable lifestyles and support systems

Post: #329

(04-25-2018 09:45 AM)getdownonit Wrote:  She'll get over it more easily than you will. Focus on yourself for the time being, and let her focus on herself. Contacting her, even just to make sure she's alright, prevents both of you from moving on and building independent, sustainable lifestyles and support systems

To piggy back off this; make it so you don't have the ability to contact her. That means block her number, then delete it. Block her on social media. Make all means of communication through your electronics impossible.

That's what happened after my break up. Did I want to reach out at times, yes, but I didn't have the means to do so. It sucks now, but it'll help you tremendously in the long run.

Post: #330

Not contacting after a break up should not in my opinion not to be used to get a girl interested in you again because I would imagine that ending very bad in the longer term.

Easiest way to get over a break up is to find a new fun and exciting fling. It's hard to do as you have history with this girl and became comfortable but it does help with the short term depression.

I used to be a one girl, LTR type guy. But I found my lifestyle, attitude and professional goals are not compatible with most girls I date. Mini relationships where I can keep enough distance to maintain my ability to not get emotionally involved with a girl has made me a much more productive person and better at taking care of bettering myself if one day "the perfect girl" I might want to wife up comes along.

Although at least for me I highly doubt I'll be willing to go into an LTR again no matter how great I assume at the moment the girl to be is.

I've had a few breakups shake me up when I was younger and it negatively affected my education, past jobs, past businesses, relationships with friends and health. So I can relate at least through thinking back.

Go no contact and do not look back nor (future fuck) yourself by looking forward.

Post: #331

Thanks to all. Appreciated for sure.

No contact, got it.

The thing is, I left it like an open wound.

I've just bought the self-authoring product by Jordan Peterson. It seems great. One idea is that by writing about your past, you close it.

There was (is) a two for one offer, so I have a password to give away.

I'm half thinking I could send it to her.

Would that be a totally dick move?))

(This isn't about hamstering by the way. It's about closure)

Post: #332

(05-08-2018 09:43 PM)sterlingarcher Wrote:  Thanks to all. Appreciated for sure.

No contact, got it.

The thing is, I left it like an open wound.

I've just bought the self-authoring product by Jordan Peterson. It seems great. One idea is that by writing about your past, you close it.

There was (is) a two for one offer, so I have a password to give away.

I'm half thinking I could send it to her.

Would that be a totally dick move?))

(This isn't about hamstering by the way. It's about closure)

I wouldn't say dick move, but whether its closure or hamstring or whatever, you considering doing that as a good idea just shows how much you need to separate from her entirely (block/ no contact).

We've all been in your position and no doubt most of us will probably be in the place you currently are again.

The guys that don't give a fuck about women they've just split with don't need this thread.

Guys that are struggling like you need this thread the most.

Ps. Send the password to an RVF brother. (ie: Me )

Post: #333

(05-08-2018 09:43 PM)sterlingarcher Wrote:  ...

There was (is) a two for one offer, so I have a password to give away.

I'm half thinking I could send it to her.

Would that be a totally dick move?))

(This isn't about hamstering by the way. It's about closure)

It's hamstering.

Unless you got kids with this girl then she needs to be dead to you. She's behind you and now it's on to greener pussy pastures.

Send the password to a fellow RvF member like Bienvenuto suggested.

Post: #334

Trying to help that bitch only makes you more beta, in her mind. They have to seek it, to appreciate help.

Post: #335

Anyone coming off a dry spell take a lot of care. I've been down in South America a few months now, managed to bang a couple girls first without too much issue, but the third girl man I caught some feelings. Doesn't even make sense because she's not very hot.

Looking back I definitely made some crucial mistakes. Saw her 3-4 times a week for about 2 months, and she slept over at my place almost every time we hung out. I thought I was playing it cool, but something about cuddling with a girl and letting her sleep over all the time really activated the pair bonding mechanism in me. I need to get some more notches under my belt so I don't catch feelings so easily.

Ironically we parted ways more or less because I fucked a a new girl. I like the new girl and she is great but I can't say I don't still have some weird leftover feelings. I think I am just a romantic still, fall in love easily.. Anyway it's no contact now. No more drama.

Post: #336

No Contact on RVF be like...

Post: #337

So I deleted her number, deleted her email, unfriended on Facebook...cut all contacts...

Man, felt sad, but after a couple of hours...I was thinking I should have done that a LOT sooner.

BACK in the game...

Then, just now she calls out of the blue...

(I accidentally sent a friend request after unfriending on FB. Deleted, but I guess it sent some alert)

The thing is it was cool. I said what I should have said at the time and it's cool.

Blocking her number seems SO cold. I lived with her, now I'm blocking her number?

She doesn't deserve that.

If she calls too much (like within the next 6 months) it's different. I'll be straight with her and tell her I want to move on...

But I want her to be able to call if I can help her.

That would be a mistake?

Post: #338

^^^^^

You aren't in it all the way. No contact is no contact. Do you think she's going to drop things to help you out?

If you want to let her call, let her call but send a message with it. Don't answer. If you want to send her to voicemail to really send her a message. Make it clear that it's over. Unless you aren't ready to commit to no contact and your own personal freedom.

Post: #339

You're right - done.

Post: #340

Broke up with my Ukrainian ex about 3 months ago after noticing many red flags and some abusive behaviour that seemed to put her on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It wasn't all bad, but I envisioned a life of walking on egg shells had our relationship continued.

For the past few days I've had a recurrence of sadness because I loved this girl despite her flaws, and I keep thinking I should have just "trained" her properly instead of letting her get away with her bad behaviour. I am of course second-guessing my instincts for letting the relationship dissolve, and I am badly wanting to check out her social media (I've blocked her).

I've never had chemistry with another girl like I had with her, and... well, the cock wants what the cock wants.

I'm currently dating a smart, beautiful 26 year Polish girl, but my mind just can't let go. I'm tonguing this sore in my mouth that will never heal if I don't leave it alone.

Stay strong, brothers.

Post: #341

man no contact is hard. I've been through this shit before and it took me several months to get rid of that uneasy feeling but I thought I would have been stronger after those experiences and thought I could just shake it off after a day it happened but my mood changes on and off. One hour I feel great then the next I feel that neediness and wanted to contact her but I know I can't do that. I must fight with my willpower to remain on course. I actually had another chick today pursue me hard who asked if she could call me, but my mind was only on the girl that broke my heart. Throughout our conversation my mind was on fixated on what I could have done differently with her instead of being in the moment with this chick who called me. I find her kind of repulsive because she's built like a dude with abs of steel and legs that would make any marathon runner wet their pants.

I hope I get my ass to vietnam soon so I can forget about this chick and start daygaming like crazy because I know that land's a man's dating paradise where the markets are tipped heavily in my favour. I have a lot of work to do like finishing the audio for my ebook and writing out my script for my video shoot tomorrow but I can't get this chick outta my mind even though I spoke to no less then 5 chicks yesterday right after it happened.

I envisioned a future with her, definitely her being my gf but why the hell couldn't she just wait a few more weeks for me to get ready to fly down there? Why the fuck did she have to agree to marry that fucking beta chump loser who proposed to her after only 1 month of meeting? Was all the stuff we discussed and talked about only a fantasy in my mind? I keep on losing in life and love, but when am I going to start winning?

Post: #342

Fuck I need to give this thread another round for today. Those fucking emotions and feelings keep on coming back and with it the pain from earlier. I just want this stupid nagging pain in my heart to stop. Why the fuck couldn't she just have kept her damn word and waited for me? How the fuck can you just go off and agree to marry some dude after meeting him for one month? The fuck. These next five weeks are going to be hell for me, as I wonder what she's up to, if she's preparing for her wedding, etc. God damnit! I so need to get my ass down to vietnam soon so I could slay some new targets and take my mind off of this numbing pain. I keep on catching myself wanting to go check out her fb but I fight the urge. I still want to message her and ask her why did she agree to do it? But I can't take back my words now. I told her this would be the last time that we will talk.

Post: #343

sterlingarcher's thread here is a text book example of the mental side of how a bitch stays in your head. You get hung up leaving doors open in the false hope you can rekindle what you once had by "helping out" or "staying friends" or whatever rationale you can spin to it. Point is you can't be friends. Your either fucking her or your one of her orbiters. Which one do you want to be? If the relationship is over then it's over.

Post: #344

So much wisdom in this thread. 

I just broke off with a probable BPD relationship of four years.  I'm feeling awful and guilty about doing it, but it is the best for both of us.  We've had prior breakups but got back together.  This one needs to stick.  I've gone no contact this time, explaining that we need to "rip the band aid off." 

It's tough, but it had to be done.  Otherwise,  it would be a barrage of verbal waterboarding - shame, guilt,  anger and insults; all in the name of "closure."  She is a master manipulator.  Fuck that noise.

As noted above: "You know, you try to end on a peaceful note with a woman but the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Post: #345

@sterlingarcher

I have had the regret of dumping exes. Especialky my fiancee. But I will tell you, it will take a long time to believe this: but there are more than one girl in your life. She was not the only one, that could be the one. All of them could be the one. When you adopt an abundant mindset. You will start to realize that new opportunities are around the corner. Plow forward, don't look back. Women will never hesitate to drop a guy they lose respect for. Trying to wait around for them to realize how much you have to offer is waisted time. Your time and effort are worth more than gold. Spend the time on yourself and it will bring lots of higher quality women into your life.

Bang sluts...then you can lose the desire to pedestalize women

Post: #346

John Cena is in need of this thread.

Post: #347

3 months into no contact. It's been rough.

I started posting some business and non-business related posts on my Instagram this week after a hiatus and wouldn't you know today I receive a notification that my ex has liked a picture of me with a current plate.

I thought I had blocked her... but forgot about one of her other accounts.

It was very disarming.

Post: #348

Liking your shit she's tryna stay on your radar. Ignore ignore ignore. You're doing great man. Enjoy the freedom and bang away!

Post: #349

(05-15-2018 12:47 PM)Kish Wrote:  John Cena is in need of this thread.

Wow. I have no idea who this guy is but as he breaks up and pours his heart out each of the womens' reaction around 5:12 is quite telling. The one on the left rolls her eyes and the one on the right looks at the other and smirks/pulls a face.

Keep your dignity.

Post: #350

John Cena is gay, so gay that it would ruin his wrestling fan base if everyone knew.

Remember gay Tom Cruise's freak out on Oprah? All PR scripted and planned in advance.

Acting like heterosexual betas is all part of the plan.